(I'm telling you, bandom lyrics for everything.)

Today was the consultation appointment at the sleep clinic. It went a lot better than I expected: the NiceSleepDoc actually read everything I had written in the online forms! He didn't automatically suggest meditation, cutting back on caffeine, and melatonin! (Every medical practitioner I've ever seen has made those suggestions about my insomnia, and then I explain (again, in minute detail) about the life of a chronic insomniac who's sleep has been steadily getting worse as the years go by.)

NiceSleepDoc agrees that I almost certainly have Delayed Sleep Phase Disorder, and there's . . . not a lot that can be done about that. There are some things we can try to make it so that it'll be easier to fall asleep when my body clock says to, and some things to make my sleep more restful. But switching my body clock to a more "normal" schedule isn't really possible, and thank goodness I don't have to. (I love my work-from-home tech job. SO MUCH.)

NiceSleepDoc does want me to come in for a sleep study. At first he didn't think there was any need to, but during the exam he decided that my combination small jaw/deep overbite means there could be a restricted airway issue. It's not terribly likely, but he wants to double-check.

So! I have a new handful of supplements that I will be taking at bedtime, I need to start wearing the tiny robot nanny again to get info for a sleep diary, and I am supposed to go outside in bright sunlight for 30 minutes a day when I first lurch out of bed. ::hissssssssss:: (I made a face at that, and NiceSleepDoc said that using one of the blue LED SAD lamps would be acceptable, too.)

Like I said, a better appointment than I expected.
My company gave everyone a Fitbit Charge for the holidays. Tiny robot nanny to wear on my wrist! To keep track of how much I move around! And to track my sleep patterns, if I wear it overnight. It tracks restless movement while I'm sleeping, and deducts that from the amount of time I'm supposedly "asleep".

I've been doing this for almost a week now, and hey, I think I found out why I'm always tired! According to my tiny robot nanny, I'm averaging between 5 to 6 hours of sleep a night, and I have a lot of restless, not-really-restful-sleep time. Last night I slept for 4 hours and 57 minutes, with an additional 103 minutes of restlessness. No wonder I feel tired right now.

I'm not sure what I can do to fix this, but the information is fascinating. (Yes, I know, I need to go for a sleep study. it will eventually happen.)

Over on Twitter, @cherry_faery gave me what is probably one of my favorite compliments ever: You look kinda like what would happen if Dave Vanian and Patricia Morrison became one person. I mean that in a good way. ALL YOUR GOTH POINTS BELONG TO ME. Ahem.


I am learning (slowly) that as I get older, I HAVE to get enough sleep. Sure, I can function on less sleep than I need, but not only does it make me fuzzy-brained, but it also puts me in a horrible mood. The cruel joke being that not only am I an insomniac who needs chemical intervention to fall asleep at a reasonable time, but that mornings have never gotten any easier.

To sum up: why yes, I loathe Daylight Savings Time, and no, my body clock has not adjusted yet. Ugh.
cupcake_goth: (Default)
( Jul. 11th, 2012 03:07 pm)
With the blank stare of the sleep-deprived, because whoo, insomnia.

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Lessee, there's stress. But mostly, what keeps me up at night is my chronic insomnia. I've been an insomniac for as long as I can remember. And yes, I've tried almost every insomnia remedy known, but the only thing that really works is Ambien. My doctor has decided that it's a lesser evil than chronic sleep deprivation. (Hey, did you know that the world being kinda wiggly and soft-focus edges ISN'T NORMAL? Once I started getting regular sleep, that went away! Craziness, I know.)
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I've previously ranted about my relationship to the Insomnia Fairy. At length. I am a life-long insomniac; I have vivid memories of being six or seven and being awake all night; I quietly played with my stuffed animals and told myself stories.

Now, when I can't sleep, I ... fret. Glare at the ceiling while being VERY VERY angry that I'm not able to fall asleep. I also tell myself stories, listen to the Stroppy One breathe while he's sleeping, and sometimes get up and tootle around the internets. (Which is occasionally a not-very clever plan, and leads to impulse purchases. Whoops?)

Tho' recently, the not-sleeping has not been happening as often, because my amazing doctor finally decided that me taking maintenance meds to help me sleep was FAR better than being chronically sleep-deprived. It turns out that the wavery, flickery things at the edge of my vision? Not something that everyone had, and not really supposed to be there! I had no idea! This getting regular sleep thing is kinda nifty.
cupcake_goth: (hiding)


( Aug. 9th, 2010 11:57 am)
You know what type of nightmare I particularly dislike? One where it's a seemingly never-ending story of TRYING TO FALL ASLEEP and failing.

When I reached the point in the nightmare of being on the way to the office and crying because I was so tired, I WOKE MYSELF UP. Woke myself up, wiped my eyes and sniffled a bit, and then tried to go back to sleep.

To be clear: I had no problem falling asleep. I WAS asleep! I just had an ongoing nightmare that I couldn't sleep. Which, oh joy, causes the same sort of after-effects and symptoms as if I didn't sleep at all. I am not pleased.

So, yeah. Guess who's working from home today? I may beseech the Stroppy One to do an emergency cupcake run for me.
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At Convergence 13, there was a lady I would cross paths with who would cheerily call me Miss Cupcake. When we finally got a chance to chat, it turned out that she had no idea who I was. ("Wait, you're the Gothic Charm School lady? Oh my god! I love your site! I ... thought you'd be taller ... more matronly.") It was just that my wardrobe of black and pink and stripy (and fluffy petticoats) made her irresistibly think of cupcakes.

On the way home from Portland, I thought about it. I had been described as a pink & black frosted goth cupcake by other people for years. My favorite perfumes smelled of chocolate and frosting. And it was true, I was very fond of cupcakes. The LJ name change seemed like an obvious thing to do.


Sleep was once again defective last night, with taking a loooooong time to fall asleep, and then waking up multiple times throughout the night. Dear Body Clock, I know I am somewhat nocturnal, but I'm trying to keep a vaguely daywalker schedule for the job hunt, okay?

My brain also gave me another dream about being at Disneyland, woe. While I would love to go to Bats' Day in May, it's just not feasible. Just because a trip would count as a tax-deductible business expense (and it would, because I'd be doing a lot of GCS promotion and research) does not mean that there is room in the budget to take the trip. Again, woe! I miss the Haunted Mansion.


Speaking of travel expenses, I need to decide what the hell I'm going to do about Norwescon. I'm a guest, yay!, and I'm thinking of getting a hotel room for Friday and Saturday, so I have someplace to retreat to when needed, and so the Stroppy One doesn't have to drive me back and forth to SeaTac. The only problem is that the con block at the hotel is sold out, so now it's $159 a night. Ugh.


Today is for writing and hair dye. Not for sewing another skirt. No. No matter what the D.I.Y. part of my brain is clamoring for.

Dear Insomnia Fairy,

We are NOT friends. I don't like you. Go away, and do not visit again.

Very crankily,


Posted via LiveJournal.app.

cupcake_goth: (tidycliche)
( Jun. 13th, 2009 11:48 am)
Being an extra on the tiny indie vampire film was fun! We were in a big warehouse/studio space that had been partitioned off into rehearsal spaces for bands. It felt like a cross between the Pioneer Square warehouse lofts that I spent a lot of time around in the very early 90s, and every band rehearsal space I've ever been stuck waiting around in. At one point I turned to [livejournal.com profile] djeternaldarkne and said "All I need now is a bottle of Chartreuse and a pack of clove cigarettes, and it would be 1992 all over again!"

The rest of the evening, however, was Not Fun. I went to bed around 1:30 after taking half an Ambien. I fell asleep sometime around 2:30 ... and woke up at about 5:15. I Was Not Pleased. I lay there being indecisive for a bit, and then gave in and took the other half of the Ambien. I also settled [livejournal.com profile] clovisdvlbunny on top of my head, in the hopes that his soothing mind control powers would help with the whole sleeping thing. Thankfully, they did! And the Stroppy One kindly let me sleep until 11:30.

Today, much socializing. And then Club V for the Everyday is Halloween event!
cupcake_goth: (hiding)
( Apr. 27th, 2009 11:37 am)
To describe my sleep last night as "defective" doesn't even come close to being accurate.

(Note to self: remember to call about the sleep study your doc wants you to do. Who knows, it may help.)

I feel like I've been dug up from the grave and shoddily re-animated by an untalented wanna-be necromancer. Hello remote connection to CorpNet, I love you. Because being at the office would be a BAD idea right now.

Dear Insomnia Fairy,

If I catch you, I'm mounting you in a lovely box, with a lot of shiny pins jammed into you. Lots and lots of shiny pins. And glue.
cupcake_goth: (hiding)
( Apr. 3rd, 2009 11:18 am)
I would like to exchange my sleep habits for ones that work properly. I fell asleep some time after 3 A.M., and am working at home today because I am not fit to be around my co-workers.

Which also means I am probably NOT going to make it out to see Voltaire tonight. (Mind you, I didn't even know he was playing in Seattle tonight until I looked at LJ this morning, so it's not like I'd been eagerly anticipating the show or anything.)

Because of the advice given to me by people I consider my sanity checkers, I am going to spend most of this weekend relaxing and mostly NOT working on Gothic Charm School -related stuff. Reeeeelaaaaaxing. Goodness, do I need it.

So, how are you peoples? I've seen some distressing news this morning, and I'm worried about you folks.
cupcake_goth: (GAF)


( Apr. 2nd, 2009 11:32 am)
I am going to go back and re-read everyone's squees and nice comments about the book cover (and thank you, all of you!), because that should put me in a better mood than the one I'm currently in.

I've slept poorly all week, and I'm hoping that tonight I can manage to fall asleep without pharmaceutical aid. If you all could direct sleepy-rays at me at around 11:30 P.S.T., that would be very helpful. Right now, I'm clinging to the hope that this second pot of black tea (pear caramel truffle) will help me feel more alert.

I am also dissatisfied with my outfit today. I liked it perfectly well when I got dressed and left the house this morning, but as the day goes on, I am less thrilled with it. The skirt still needs tweaking to fit properly, hmmph. (It's a 4-panel knee-length full skirt with two rows of black buttons down the front. I cut it off of a jumperskirt I purchased from someone off of [livejournal.com profile] egl, but like I said, it still needs fiddling with. And maybe the buttons changed for pink ones.)
- My sleep was not defective last night, ohthankgoodness. It didn't make up for the vaguely defective sleep from the past few days, but hey, it's a start!

- The sad news about Lux Interior led me to discover that I only have one song by The Cramps in my iTunes. Huh? Time to go pick up some CDs and fix that.

- I just came up with an idea for a skirt I want to make, but I'm not sure when I will have free time to figure out the pattern/gather supplies/find exactly the right image I want to use as the appliqué. I wonder if I could sweet-talk the Stroppy One into creating the design for me that I could print onto iron-on transfer paper ...

- Hey, there's that steampunk event tomorrow night at Heaven! Which I would be more interested in going to if it wasn't for the $17 cover charge. (For the record, I am not a fan of Abney Park's music. It just doesn't grab me. So paying $17 to go see the fashion show, look at vendor tables, and hear [livejournal.com profile] djeternaldarkne and [livejournal.com profile] dj_sprockets spin is a little steep for my tastes.)

- You people all have seen the amaaaaaazing Twilight fandom kerfuffle that's been going on, right? No, not about the crazy lady who made a felted sculpture representing Bella's womb. (No, I'm not kidding, and no, I'm not linking.) No, I mean the EW post by Stephen King where he dismisses Stephenie Meyer as a crappy writer, and comments about J.K. Rowling being a good writer. Twilight fandom, predictably, goes crazy. A collection of the best insane responses, and comments from people from other fandoms. (clicky-link!) My favorite clueless comment from the TwiFans: "I encourage Rowling and King himself to write the book that fascinates the readers at this point". Look, just go to Cleolinda's entry about this. (clicky-link!) Aaaah, Twilight fandom, making the rest of us look relatively sane in comparison. Thanks!
The Insomnia Fairy visited again last night. I had been asleep for a few scant hours when I was woken up by the bed shaking. But the earthquake did wake me up from one of my recurring stress nightmares, so in some ways, it was a relief.

Being short on sleep means another day of working from home. But I get just as much done at home (if not more) as I do when I'm at the office, so it's not like I'm being a bad worker bee or anything. I'm just a worker bee who is going to be taking occasional naps.


Visits from the Insomnia Fairy or no, I am going out dancing tomorrow night. Club V - who else might I see there?
cupcake_goth: (GAF)
( Jan. 29th, 2009 10:51 am)
Mom says "Thank you!" for all the birthday wishes. Dad is vastly amused that all of you think we're adorable. (*I* think we're adorable, too, but I also think we're crazy.) (The Stroppy One agrees with the latter part of that statement.)


I'm working from home today, thanks to insomnia. Ugh.


Someone remind me that I don't wear long charm-style necklaces, so I should stop looking at this Alice In Wonderland -themed one. (clicky-link!) But goodness, it's cute. I know how it's made, so I just need to find out what glossy medium is used over photo paper to make the lacquered insets for the pendants. (It's not ModgePodge, I know that much.) Oooh, then I could make my own GCS swirly-bat jewelry ...


Right. More tea, and back to editing.
cupcake_goth: (Shenanagins)


( Jan. 23rd, 2009 10:37 am)
Dear Subconscious,

Last night's constant series of dreams in which I try desperately to fall asleep, and can't? NOT OKAY. Do not repeat those. Ever.


::pokes at email, waiting for a reply to something important::


I am REALLY looking forward to going dancing tomorrow night. Getting all gothed up and going out will improve my week immensely. You there! Yes, the one reading this. If you're in Seattle, you should go to Club V tomorrow night, too.


::pokes email again, sighs::
cupcake_goth: (Leeches)
( Nov. 20th, 2008 03:17 pm)

Sinus Migraine Demons = 1

cupcake_goth = 0


Insomnia Fairy = 1

cupcake_goth = 0

EDITED TO ADD: Y'know, I think this means I'm in the perfect (lack of) mental state to read the copy of Breaking Dawn (the most recent Twilight spaaaaaaarkly vampire book) that was loaned to me.
That defective sleep I keep complaining about? Has become more defective. At about 3AM I gave up and took half an Ambien; I finally fell asleep sometime after 4AM. Needless to say, I am working from home today.

Other than the continuing visits from the Insomnia Fairy, things are good in Cupcake-Goth land. October is here, which means autumnal weather, re-reading Something Wicked This Way Comes, Halloween goodies, my wedding anniversary, all sorts of good things. Now I just need to be well-rested enough to enjoy all of it.
My sleep continues to be defective, and I would really like to exchange it for sleep that works. (Mind you, my sleep isn't as defective as [livejournal.com profile] maiaarts sleep is, poor creature!) Because I have The Best Husband In The World, I was able to sleep in a little bit and not have to catch the bus this morning.

A photo of an outfit from a month ago )

Yes, that is the replica I made of an Angelic Pretty skirt. No, I did not use ball-fringe to trim the hem. I'm quite pleased with how the skirt turned out, especially since I created the pattern from scratch. You would think that successes like that would make me more confident about sewing things like waistcoats and jackets, but no. Princess seams (which are an absolute requirement with my figure) and sleeves still intimidate me.

Speaking tangentially of princess seams and sleeves, I am MUCH happier with the jacket I am wearing today. I finally gave into temptation and purchased the "Gothic Victorian Black Strict Governess Jacket" (clicky-link!), and I am delighted with it. In fact, it is my new favorite jacket, and I am considering purchasing another one so I could customize it with different buttons (and perhaps a heart & bat applique).

Tonight: Nick Cave! I am very sorry that [livejournal.com profile] theda isn't feeling well enough to use her tickets to the show, but I'm grateful she offered them to me.


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