cupcake_goth | Recent Entries

Guess who won a chest X-ray, a nebulizer treatment, and will be picking up antibiotics, steroids, and prescription cough syrup? So fun.

The chest X-ray was totally fine, yay. And some of the rattling cough, congestion, and face pain are definitely due to a building sinus infection.

Damn, it's been a while since I updated. We went to San Francisco for the 2nd MCR show, and it was as fantastic as the first. There were some minor tweaks done to the non-music parts of the performance, and from what I hear more minor tweaks were done for the two L.A shows. Gerard Way is indeed living his best theatre kid life.

The SF "stage B" performance (when they perform non- Black Parade songs) wasn't as meaningful for me as the Seattle one. They didn't play "Thank You for the Venom" or "Vampires Will Never Hurt You", sigh. To the delight of others in the crowd, they covered "Bullet with Butterfly Wings" by Smashing Pumpkins. I say "to the delight of others" because I am a Seattle Old and Have Opinions about Smashing Pumpkins. (Not as bad as my opinions about Courtney Love, but I still Have Opinions.)

We also got to hang out with friends while in SF, one of whom was celebrating her 50th, yay! And we made a pilgrimage to Borderlands Books, where I foolishly looked in the rare books cabinet and then spent money on a first edition of The Vinegar Works, a three book box set of Edward Gorey books. (While I was dithering the Stroppy One said, "Will you regret not buying it?", which made it clear it needed to be mine.)

I brought a rotten cold home from SF; It's been slightly over a week and there's a crackling sensation when I breathe, so I'm headed to a clinic later today to (probably) get a z-pack and steroids.

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OH MY GOD THE TEASER FOR S3 OF ~~INTERVIEW WITH THE VAMPIRE~~ THE VAMPIRE LESTAT. Part of the teaser did confirm they're changing the name of the show, because the upcoming season focuses on my beloved egotistical vampire rock star boyfriend. Remember before the show premiered when I had concerns about Sam Reid playing Lestat, and how those concerns were blown to dust after episode one? Holy mother of god, Sam Reid has been possessed by the spirit of Lestat and I am frothing at the mouth about that teaser. I'm also stamping my feet in frustration because we have to wait until 2026 for the show omg I need it NOOOWWWWW.

So between MCR stuff and Lestat content, my Tumblr has been fannish incoherency. In L.A MCR played an unreleased song from the scrapped "Paper Kingdom" album. As I said over there, all I need now is for Hannibal S4 to be announced and my head really will explode.

The MCR concert was amazing. They are performing the entire album of The Black Parade, but they've turned it into a weird theatre show with a different storyline than the usual album. The theme is kinda-sorta a fever dream of cold war Russia? With the band being state ordered performers to distract the masses? There's a mock election that the audience participates in, there's a "state official" who comes on stage to hand Gerard some sort of papers that Gerard rips up, there's fire, there's flashing lights, and it's all very weird and fantastic.

The band themselves were obviously having a fantastic time. Ray Toro (lead guitar) kept smiling all night, and Gerard was glorying in his punk rock theatre kid dream. And the sound for the show was some of the best mix I've heard at concerts.

After they finished with The Black Parade, the encore was songs from their other albums, letting them flail around even more. The high points for me were "Heaven Help Us" (a b-side from The Black Parade), and my two favorite songs from their first album, "Our Lady of Sorrows", and "Vampires Will Never Hurt You". MY SONG THEY PLAYED MY FAVORITE SONG. I was hoping for "Thank You for the Venom", but the other three songs made up for it.

In other words, MY G-D the show was amazing, and I am ecstatic that I'm going to SF this weekend to see them a second time.

(Oh, and Gerard is still cute. My precious rock star crush object!)

Remember how I said the Wegovy has cut down on the impulse shopping noise in my brain? It still has, but when a bunch of things on my "to buy someday Real Soon Now" all have sales over the 4th of July weekend? Yeah, I spent a lot of money. But this means that a dress, jacket, pendant, and art book were less than they had been, so yay?

... and this will certainly keep me from buying ALL THE MERCH at the MCR concert. Yes, it will.

:: shifty eyes ::

On Sunday night I ordered pork spring rolls from my favorite place with the idea of having one for dinner, and one for lunch the following day. As I was taking the second bite of my dinner, the Stroppy One turned to me and said that it had way more garlic than usual. He was right, because as he was saying that, I noticed my mouth and lips were burning and felt like welts were rising. I got a refund from DoorDash, and gave the Madwoman in the Attic the second spring roll. Sooooo apparently I'm even more sensitive to garlic than I thought, and I'm really mad about it.

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My Chemical Romance alert! There's a post on Tumblr that's about the runup to the show with details being constantly added. Apparently setup for the concert has already started, which is unusual. I wonder if that's why there's more time between concert dates; I'd assumed it was because the band finally learned they need to rest between shows, but maybe not. The band has been hinting on social media that these concerts are "so much more than just playing The Black Parade". Needless to say, the fandom has collectively been losing our minds.

(THE CONCERT IS THIS FRIDAY FRIDAY FRIDAY!!!)

Yes, looking forward to this concert is one of the few things helping me cling to sanity right now.

Last night my brain decided to give me a new stress nightmare, oh yay. In it I had taken all my bedtime meds on the drive to Seattle for next week's (!!!) MCR concert. I met up with

minim_calibre , we found our seats, and during the opening act I fell asleep, missing the entire MCR show.

WHAT THE HELL, BRAIN?!

This obviously won't happen in real life. But in that brief instant between sleep and waking out of the dream, I was SO UPSET.

Twelve days until the concert! The Seattle show is the first one of the tour, which means the band should be all riled up. And that I'll have no idea what the tour merch is, so I'll have to make my purchasing decisions in real time. Yes, there's a part of my brain that says buy it allllllll, but I'm trying not to listen to it. No really, I'm trying to, because I know I don't need all the Long Live: The Black Parade merch. Probably.

(buy it allllll)

danabren left a comment on my post about Catholic aesthetics/music/Gregorian chants that unlocked a core 90s scene memory for many of us: constantly hearing Enigma at every damn kink or kink-adjacent play party.

This led me to see what songs turn up on "Enigma Radio" on Spotify. Guess what the first song was? Go on, guess.

Ah, good 'ol "Caribbean ~~Moon~~ Blue".

There are days when I think about trying to explain to Kids Today what sort of music was played for the first 30-60 minutes at Ye Olde Spooky Clubs because I'm pretty sure they'd never believe me.

Over the past week we watched both Conclave and Immaculate. Both were fun, even if I don't understand the section of fandom that looked at Conclave and said "YES, let's write smut". Not my beautiful cake, but rock on you crazy diamonds.

Immaculate wasn't groundbreaking, and actually kind of predictable, but it was still enjoyable. And yet another entry in the "Yep, I like Catholic-themed horror" category; look I really like the aesthetics and music of the Church. As an institution, fuck no. All the art it's created? Yes. What this means is I bought the soundtrack on bandcamp, and need to look up the soundtrack for Conclave to see if I want it. (I probably don't, as I prefer my Latin liturgical music sung by female voices. As evidence, I listen to this Gregorian chants female voices playlist on Spotify fairly often.) Which leads me to one of my favorite set of tweets:

Finally got to talk to Dad, yay! He's doing okay. Well, except for the part where "I can work in the yard for about 10 minutes, and then I have to rest for 45", and his cardiologist says, "Recovery is a process, Bob, and there's no definitive timeline". Which, sure, that makes sense, but he had the cardioversion at the end of March, so I'm a little dubious. Dad sees the cardiologist next week, and I told him to feel free to gently threaten the cardiologist with having to talk to me, and I'm a lot meaner than my Dad.

But things are going okay for him and his Ladylove. They are currently a household with no kitties, as Sniggle passed on a few months ago. Dad says he's been able to resist looking at kittens so far, but he'll probably give in soon.

Hilariously, he lectured me about looking after myself, then realized what he was saying. In that pause I said, "Gosh, I wonder where I learned THAT from", and he had the grace to laugh. I told him I'd try to be better if he did. We'll see how that goes.

This is something I've been thinking about for a few years, and I've finally decided to try it. I had the Madwoman in the Attic make a version of these "pants" in black lawn. I'm going to sew layers of black organza ruffle trim (the good stuff with fishing line in the hem to make the ruffles nigh-uncrushable) up to the knees on each leg. If my theory is right, then I will have a pair of long bloomers that are also a petticoat!

I will, of course, report back on how this works.

- My Chemical Romance released a remastered version of Three Cheers for Sweet Revenge. I managed to resist the lure of the various editions of the vinyl, and only bought the CD and digital download. DAMN. The difference in the songs! Predictably I've listened to nothing but this since Saturday.

- I booked a haircut! With this stylist! I'm excited and a little nervous, because I haven't had any sort of haircut since early 2020, and even then it was just trimming the split ends. This time I'm going to have my hair cut to bottom bra band length, and ask what they can do to enhance the waviness/curl my hair has developed.

- The Wegovy is slowly working. I'm losing a pound a week without really changing anything other than eating smaller meals. The "Ooooh, snack! Let's have just a bit more of this because it's so tasty" noise in my head has stopped, which means I'm not constantly thinking about food. Another really odd side-effect (that lots of folks have discussed over on Reddit) is that the urge to impulse shop has stopped. I still windowshop a lot, but I don't buy anything. Weird, but I'm not complaining.

- I get to go back on HRT, THANK G-D. This will, of course, be revisited after my next (really soon) MRI, but hallelujah, I'll have some relief from the hot flashes, brain fog, upswing of insomnia, hair loss, and random crying.

- Speaking of insomnia, this week has been rough. Even if I fall asleep at a "decent" time, my sleep is patchy and broken. Add that to the fact that I actually need somewhere around ten hours of sleep, and I've been an incoherent mess all week. Today I feel like I'm mildly drunk, but without the fun part.

-

minim_calibre and I decided YOLO and paid more money to get MUCH better seats for the My Chemical Romance concert. Did you know you could upgrade tickets purchased from Ticketmaster? I certainly didn't. But hey, a better view of the stage! I'm still sad that I'm going to see my precious cupcakes of bombast only one time on this tour ("only" omg I'm spoiled) but I'll cope. There's feverish speculation in the fanbase that maybe they'll preview songs from an unreleased album, or maybe they'll announce a new album. I love all this speculation, but I also believe none of it.

- Random perfume comment: If you love Goth Club 89 from the now-closed Whisper Sisters, Midnight Toker from Heretic Perfumes is a toned-down version of it. I hate the name, but the scent is lovely.

(Threat level: MCR lyrics as post titles)

Work is still :: hands ::

I've talked to some other folks, cone of silence engaged, about how to get better at communication with boss lady. I feel pretty confident now, but who knows how long that will last.

One funny thing about all of those conversations: apparently very few people realize how many people I manage. In the writing/design/research ... community at work, the only person who manages more people than me is my boss. Ahahahahaha.

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The Seattle MCR concert is next month! I had an outfit idea which involves being sleeveless. Cue the Body Image Demons. In an attempt to shut them up, I turned to Tumblr for a pep talk and my G-D did they deliver. I think my favorite tag responses from reblogs were "I'm not sure if I want to fuck you or be you" and "Not to be a lesbian but omg omg omg omg".

So YES, I will wear my planned outfit and not give a fuck about my flabby arms. My therapist will be very proud of me.

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There's apparently a goth book club starting up near me! I'm going to do my damndest to attend, because it sounds like a great idea. There's dancing at the venue after the book club is over. Part of me wants to stay for that, but it's all on a Sunday night, so I should probably be a responsible adult and head home after book club. Dammit, I hate being a responsible adult.

Yep, my hair is thinning. It's not totally obvious, but it is happening, and I'm mad about it. I'm taking a hair growth supplement that includes biotin, I'm including a lot of protein in my diet, I'm taking an iron supplement, I'm not pulling my hair back tightly, and yet. The likely culprits are how some of my meds interact + not being on HRT because of breast cancer risk. I always had fine hair, but I had a LOT of it. That's no longer the case.

So! I'm going to get my hair cut. Not SUPER short, but to the top of my bra strap, and hopefully that will make my hair appear a bit thicker. Not to mention getting my hair cut should encourage the waviness of it, which is a gift with purchase from menopause. (One of the only good things about menopause.) I may eventually go with having my hair at shoulder length, but probably no shorter. The Stroppy One irrationally dislikes the idea of a me getting a bob; yes, my body, my hair, etc. etc., but I'm fine with humoring him about this.

Apparently there's an oral form of Minoxidil instead of the regular foam, and I may ask my doctor about it. Why not use the foam? Because it is DEADLY for cats, and Miss Erzabet No Biting attempts to groom my hair on a regular basis.

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I'm sloooowly but steadily losing weight on Wegovy. I really like that, but I like the reduction in inflammation and pain even more. I haven't had any of the horrible side effects of Wegovy, but I start the "real" dosage next week, so who knows if I'll fall prey to them.

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My friend Thea, who also suffers multiple types of migraines, had me try this heated face mask with massage. I immediately ordered one, because it's amazing. It even has bluetooth, which means I can connect it to my phone and listen to an audiobook while I'm using it.

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ANYway, that's all my whiny stuff. How are you folks holding up?

- The Stroppy One has returned from his travels, yaaaay! Especially yay because my sleep immediately turned to awful thanks to having nightmares every night. However I won't get to see much of him (except at bedtime and coffee time) because he's on a tight deadline.

- I caved in and made an impulse purchase from the Bury Me In Bloodmilk FB group, but I've been coveting the necklace with the word "Liminal" since approximately forever. It is going to be one of the never-take-off talisman necklaces; yes, that collection is always a tangled mess around my neck, and I don't care.

- Do I need more sterling silver key pendants? Probably not, but that doesn't stop me from occasionally searching for them. If you see interesting ones, let me know.

- Hey, remember me talking about the pink & black unnerving governess dress that the Madwoman in the Attic made for me and several of you said "pix or it didn't happen"? BEHOLD:

- Also behold the giant slice of labradorite I'm wearing! G-D bless the folks in India who decide to sell directly via Etsy. And dammit, I bet the tariffs fuckery will impact being able to buy from them.

The Stroppy One is away at a show, and my stress nightmares are eating me alive. All of them are about travel fuckery and detainment happening. Do I think it's a valid fear? Not really, because while he's a green card holder, he's also a middle-aged white dude, and the travel is all inside the US. None of that makes a difference to my spiraling anxiety.

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I had plans for Saturday, but they've radically changed; one of my closest friends discovered her brother had died in his sleep. So I'm heading to Seattle to keep her company and distract her if needed. I'm also going to do some research for her, because her brother had a huge amount of 70s-80s era nerd collectible items, and she's going to need someone to appraise and sell it.

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Bats' Day (goths at Disneyland) was last weekend. I knew last year that I wouldn't be able to go, but that doesn't ease the melancholy feelings when I see photos from the event. I miss the Haunted Mansion. I miss the giddy lack of stress that going to Disneyland triggers in me.

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I've hit the point where I really want to be treated like a Victorian invalid and be taken to the seaside for my health. Yes, I want to stroll along a beach, my feet in salt water, and then have someone cosset me by bringing me snacks, tea, and laudanum.

- I had my migraine Botox appointment yesterday! Yaaaaay! My new neurologist is much faster at the process than my old one, but my new neuro specializes in migraines, so no wonder she's faster. I had the traditional "bounce back" headache afterward, but that is miles better than the 1.5 week migraine I'd been dealing with.

- Speaking of my nice new neurologist: she did some research and I'm eligible for a Botox savings program?! Yes, I would like that, thank you.

- The pink hat w/ black lace bats is coming along well. I showed the Stroppy One the hat before I got the supplies together to dye it, and he said, "No, that shade of pink is within the rest of the shade range of your wardrobe, you don't need to dye it". The bats are now all securely glued on; next is a black hat band, foam hat pads on the inside to make it fit properly, then attaching the two different shades of pink millinery veiling.

- I've bought some different fabrics I've had my eye on, because who knows what's happening with tariffs and almost all fabric is made overseas these days. Once the Madwoman in the Attic is done with her current commission, she'll make some more dresses for me. Yes, I know, I already have enough dresses to wear a different one each day for probably over a month, but the idea of one made from burgundy organza with flocked stripes? Of course I need that.

- Tuesday involved me getting up earlier than usual because I had to go to the office for an in-person working session on the thing I presented last week. We got a lot done and have a plan, yay. I also learned a non-work thing: I am WAY more sensitive to garlic than I thought, especially if it's uncooked. I felt inflammation coming on as I was heading back home in the evening, and woke up on Wednesday feeling AWFUL. When do I get the good side effects of being a vampire? When?

- I am, as usual, doing a lot of window shopping. This pink hat with black bats and moons calls to me, of course, but then I decided I could DIY something even more suited to me. Thanks to AliExpress, I have a pink hat with an even wider brim and a bunch of black lace bat appliques. This coming weekend will involve painting the hat with a darker pink alcohol dye, then attaching the appliques. And maybe wide ribbons (attached to the inside of the crown) so I can tie it on if I want.

- I'm also coveting this sterling silver choker with a giant quartz centerpiece, but it's out of my price range. But it's so pretty!

- I'm thinking of taking a day off from work and persuading the Stroppy One we should go to the zoo. The things that are giving me pause are 1) the Stroppy One is about to start deadline work, and 2) the local zoo is very hilly, and will be challenging for me. (There's a part of me that thinks making the trek to Seattle to go to Woodland Park may be a better idea, especially since I could go visit my beloved red pandas. Our local zoo doesn't have red pandas.)

- All in all, things are meh around here, but I'm trying to find things that make me happy. I hope you peeps are also finding things that bring you joy.

- The work presentation that I was working on last week that caused me so much anxiety and stress ended up going really well, and my team has approval to move forward with a dream project. Tomorrow is a big in-office working session about the project with some other stakeholders and my writer who will be driving this, which means I need to trek into Seattle. I'm not thrilled about that part, but there are some people I'm especially looking forward to catching up with.

- Because of all of this last week, I ended up having a two and a half day seesawing panic attack, which I'm still recovering from. I couldn't do my usual way of recovering from such a thing, sleeping for an extended period, because I had social obligations. WHICH WERE AWESOME, but I'm still feeling the aftereffects of last week. In other words, I want to go be a sloth on the couch and then sleep in.

- I saw my big brother this weekend and got a tarot reading. Nothing like having the powers that be drop anvils on my head that I need to stop listening to the Brain Raccoons. Thanks. Yes, I constantly need the reminder, but DAMN.

On the one hand, it's good that I'm so familiar with the symptoms of the bronchial nonsense my body is prone to, because that means I can go to a walk-in clinic, tell them what's happening, and after listening to my lungs the clinician will give me my requested prescription for a z-pack and Prednisone.

Oh the other hand, I'd rather this didn't happen often enough that I'm familiar with the fucking symptoms, y'know?

I spent the entire weekend on the couch, only sometimes complaining that I shouldn't feel that fatigued for doing nothing. Yes, the Stroppy One lovingly glared at me and reminded me that I was healing, NO I should not get up and do things. Plus Miss Erzabet No Biting did her very best to keep me on the couch.

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I met with my new (local!) neurologist last week, and miracle of miracles, my insurance company sent her the approval for my Botox shots a day after the appointment. I am agog. She also gave me a sample injector of Ajovy to try; I went home and did my usual research on a new suggested med, because while yes, I believe my various practitioners are knowledgeable and competent, I also want to do my own information gathering as a backup. And everything I read on it was a 50/50 split; for some people it was a game-changer, but for others it significantly increased depression and anxiety, caused massive inflammation, joint pain, hair loss, and suicidal ideation. And guess what, the 50% who had the negative side-effects are ones who have the same sort of medical issues I have. So nope, passing on that.

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Everything is just so damn hard, lately. I know all of you are right there with me in that, but still. Ugh.

When real things happen to imaginary people

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Still fangirling six days later

Buy yourself the motivation

Betrayed by deliciousness

Really, brain? REALLY?

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Dad update

Ridiculous sewing project

You're running after something that you'll never kill

'cause I'm here on the other side of a jet black mirror

If this is a coronation I ain't feeling the love

Shallow body image stuff, grrr.

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A list of random things

So many health updates

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