When real things happen to imaginary people

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Buy a new house. Preferably some sort of enormous place so certain friends could move in, and I could finally have that gothy "planned community" that I've always longed for.

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Oh please. It would be Gothic Charm School, of course.

HOWEVER - I know a bit about the behind-the-scenes workings of "reality" shows. As much fun as it is to daydream about a Gothic Charm School show where I swoop in and help gothy types, the headaches, heartaches, and scripted "drama" that the genre demands means I will stay far, FAR away from such things.

(Yes, scripted. You didn't really think that reality shows weren't scripted and edited for maximum drama, did you?)

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Ahahaha. I love the horror genre; you people know that, right? Some of the movies that I find comforting in times of emotional distress include things like 30 Days of Night, Jennifer's Body and Zombieland. But. I am kind of a big wimp about suspenseful horror. Gore, monsters? Great, bring it on! Creepy suspense? I will cower behind clovisdvlbunny while watching, and not sleep because of being freaked out.

So, I have two answers for this question.

Scariest horror movie #1: Poltergeist. I have not seen this movie since ... the late 80s. This movie terrified me so much when I first saw it that I didn't sleep for three days. (Of course, that may have had something to do with when, on the way home after seeing it, Dad asked me what I thought the scariest part was. I answered "The clown doll,", because even then I Did. Not. Like. Clowns. My Mom replied, "But you used to have a doll just like that! I think it's in the attic ..." Thanks, Mom. No sleep for me!) I also had an unreasoning fear of TVs tuned to static for a very long time, but I'm (mostly) over that now.

There is a part of me that wonders if the scares of Poltergeist still hold up. But I'm not willing to watch it again to find out.

Scariest horror movie #2: The Blair Witch Project. Yes, really. No, I never believed it was a "true story". But the movie was a very clever play on the types of ghost stories I constantly read when I was a child, and the mounting tension of weird things happening and no one knowing what was happening? Yeah, that hit all the right (wrong?) terror buttons in my hindbrain. Plus the final scenes in the movie included a bit of imagery that was, I kid you not, straight out of a recurring nightmare I have had for decades. (The bloody handprints on the walls of the house. When the camera first panned across them, I think I tried to whimper and curl into a fetal position. I don't really remember.)

We saw The Blair Witch Project right after we had moved into the house, and about a week before the Stroppy One went out of town to go to Gen-Con. So there's me, in a heightened state of freak out, by myself in a newish house, not yet used to the creaks it made. One day, when I was about to go into the mostly-finished basement to feed the cats, I called my parents and made them talk to me, in the hopes that I would be less creeped out.

But I still love horror movies. Oooh, maybe I'll watch 30 Days of Night again tonight.

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Ahahahahahaha. Um.

Yeah, my answer to these sorts of questions USED to be no, because everything that has happened to me has made me who I am, and I'm pretty happy with how things have turned out.

However. My views have undergone a bit of a change, and if I could go change an event in my life (and not have any paradox-inducing repercussions or horrible things happen as a result), then my choices are:

1. Mom's death. Yeah, I'm trying to learn not to dwell on all the what ifs about it, but some days are harder than others, y'know?

2. A few REALLY DUMB, BAD choices I made a few years ago, when I was veering toward losing my mind. Things are fine now (better than fine, in many ways), but when my stress nightmares replay bits of that time, I want to shake some sense into my past self very, very hard.

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Oh, I love this game!

Books I Reread A Lot, By Cupcake Goth, Age 42

- Dracula. Go on, look surprised.

- Something Wicked This Way Comes. One of foundations of my universe.

- The Vampire Lestat. Classic bombast, and I still find Lestat to be a charming devil.

- Anno Dracula. Still one of the best damn vampire books out there.

- Soulless. So much fun!

- Vampire Kisses: The Coffin Club. From my favorite spooky-sweet series, the installment set at a gothy club. With vampires.

I suppose Winnie The Pooh should go on that list, but it's not one I reread. It's read to me, in times of great emotional stress.

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Hmmm. Considering how much of an emotional wallop music packs for me, you would think that I would have an answer to this. But long ago I started very actively working on reclaiming songs that reminded me of previous relationships, so that I could listen to them again. There are songs that cause a wince of rueful recognition (Dear Fall Out Boy, thank you for writing "Hum Hallelujah"), but I still like and listen to those songs..

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In other news, I am vaguely considering doing that "30 songs in 30 days" meme I've seen going around, emotional landmines be damned. Is that something you folks would like to see here?

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I suspect my true inner self looks like a more idealized cartoon/anime version of me. Yes, I'm completely serious.

What would she tell me? Probably to stop worrying about things I can't fix, and that I shouldn't pay attention to the various voices of doubt and fear that eat away at me from time to time. She'd also probably tell me to pay more attention to clovisdvlbunny.

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I find myself browsing for military or Adam Ant -style jackets AGAIN. I am well aware that I don't need any, but I love looking at them. I'm sure part of it is that the next Pirates of the Caribbean movie comes out SOON, and I love pirate-y clothes.

Also, I need to stop paying attention to the insidious whispers of the Body Image Monsters, and start wearing some of the ivory-with-black-accents outfits I've put together. Thanks to thrifting and going through my to be altered stash, I have three or four different outfits, and I want to show them off. But when the time comes to get dressed for something, I second (and third and fourth)-guess myself out of them. Hmmph.

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Twitter is indeed the latest incarnation of it's a small world - the Twitter account for the Claire's Accessories brand thanked me for mentioning them in the Gothic Charm School prom post. Wacky.

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Hello, have you people MET me? Gunderson Bear is sitting in the Armchair Lair at this very moment, with Murphy Bear. (Both Gunderson and Murphy now have siblings, because the local thrift stores have been randomly manifesting the proper sort of vintage GUND bears for a couple of years.)

Also, look at the icon on this entry. That is clovisdvlbunny. Clovis is going to rule the universe one day, so sign up to be a minion now, just to be safe. Clovis was the ringbearer at mine & the Stroppy One's wedding. Clovis is one of my sanity checks.

(Yes, I take advice from a stuffed bunny with fangs. He has never steered me wrong.)

::wanders off muttering "Did I have a favorite toy as a CHILD? You mean people stop?!::

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Ahahahahahaha.

::glares::

I've previously ranted about my relationship to the Insomnia Fairy. At length. I am a life-long insomniac; I have vivid memories of being six or seven and being awake all night; I quietly played with my stuffed animals and told myself stories.

Now, when I can't sleep, I ... fret. Glare at the ceiling while being VERY VERY angry that I'm not able to fall asleep. I also tell myself stories, listen to the Stroppy One breathe while he's sleeping, and sometimes get up and tootle around the internets. (Which is occasionally a not-very clever plan, and leads to impulse purchases. Whoops?)

Tho' recently, the not-sleeping has not been happening as often, because my amazing doctor finally decided that me taking maintenance meds to help me sleep was FAR better than being chronically sleep-deprived. It turns out that the wavery, flickery things at the edge of my vision? Not something that everyone had, and not really supposed to be there! I had no idea! This getting regular sleep thing is kinda nifty.

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Oh, I HAD to answer this one.

If money was no object^*? Our house would look like Tim Burton had re-designed the Haunted Mansion at Disneyland. With pink accents. Stripes! Wacky, slightly off-kilter and creepy Victorian knick-knacks and furniture! Secret passages! A ballroom! Fainting couches! A library!


^*Okay, if money were no object and I successfully hypnotized the Stroppy One. His design sense is not quite as ... whimsical as mine.