•  I've had some level of migraine/muscle tension/sinus pressure headache for over two weeks now. I had a lot of things I was going to get done, and barely accomplished any of them.
  • Which means that in addition to being in pain, the Brain Raccoons have been frolicking around, singing their smash hit "You're not going to succeed at any of the plans you have, give up now". (The Brain Raccoons have terrible squeaky harmonies and are frequently off-key, but they're good at catchy terrible songs.)
  • Because of this, I'm dolefully looking at my resume and Linkdin, wondering if I should polish them and start looking for a job back in the poisonous industry I fled. I keep telling myself that maybe a part-time job wouldn't be bad, I could still get the GCS media empire/Patreon going if I pushed myself.
  • But hey, I haven't managed to get that going in the not-quite-a-year since I got out of the tech industry, so I'm totally fooling myself, I should sing along with the Brain Raccoons song.
  • Mom's birthday is tomorrow. 
  • The Stroppy One is down for a variety of reasons.
  • My sleep is being wonky. I've had multiple nights where I'm not falling asleep until close to 5am. But I'm in too much pain or brain fog to accomplish anything during the time I'm awake. 
  • I missed my big brother's birthday party due to migraine.
In short, I want to ascend to being Vampire Witch Queen already, live the eccentrically wealthy lifestyle I'd like to become accustomed to, and have thralls to carry out my wishes. 

I swear, my deadline stress and craziness for work can be charted to my musical selections.


  • Three weeks out from deadline: swirlygoth and witchy instrumental (there must be spells to fix this mess).

  • Two weeks out from deadline (NOW): a return to the Tragic Hair Metal Past (throw the horns!).

  • One week out from deadline, continuing until documentation is shipped: Bandom (Pete Wentz is not an emotional role model remix).


  • (And I haven't really had time to rest/recuperate from the Epic Yard Sale. I'm just pushing forward because things have to get done. Yes, I know, self-care, stuff, things. Ahahahaha. I think part of this coming weekend is going to involve some serious flopping.)
I looked at the current "official" LJ prompt for post ideas, then shuddered.


Open Letter
Do you have something you've always wanted to tell someone but never had the chance to say? Use this post to write an open letter to someone and finally tell them what you've always wanted them to know.


Shuddered because yes, I immediately thought of who I would address that letter to, and ... no. Just no. My telling them what I think they should know wouldn't make a difference, and I don't want to have any communication with them ever again.

There's also the idea of writing an open letter to Mom, but that wouldn't do anything but make me sad.

Um, happier things, happier things ... hey, BPAL is officially doing perfumes and mementos for Crimson Peak! I am so excited for the BPAL folks, AND I am so excited to smell these creations. Yes, I am at the point where I want Crimson Peak -themed everything. This should not be a surprise to anyone.

Other stuff:

- Work is good, and on the downswing of crazy right now. THANK GOODNESS.
- I miss Disneyland and my SoCal peeps a lot right now.
- I want someone to throw a fancy nighttime garden party that I can attend.
- All I want to do right now is lay on a velvet fainting couch, eat tasty snacks, drink some absinthe, and read trashy gothic novels. I DO NOT FEEL LIKE BEING PRODUCTIVE. Pity there's all this stuff I need to do.
I'm finally listening to Hesitant Alien, Gerard Way's solo release. It is ... very 90s Britpop. I know I will need to listen to it at least a few more times so I can actually take in the songs and give them a chance without the current brain overlay of THIS IS NOT MCR AND I AM NOT SURE I'M OKAY WITH THAT YET

It still feels really weird to me that I immediately fell for the new FOB single "Centuries" (even if the video is the type of ridiculous that means I don't really want to watch it again), but I'm having to emotionally sidle up to the GWay album. However, GWay looks damn good in this incarnation, with his deliberate nods to iconic Bowie styles. And Lola, the furry, gender-neutral mascot of the album is adorable.

But "Centuries"! Not only is it kinda the perfect song for someone to do a Vampire Chronicles fanvid to, but it has trademark Pete Wentz is not an emotional role model lyrics. "I never meant for you to fix yourself", yeeeaaaah.

(The FOB single that was done for Big Hero 6 is a smidge too synthpoppy/autotuned for it to immediately grab my heart, so I will just keep listening to "Centuries" on repeat.)

(Actually, I'm not sure what it says about my brain that I kind of want to listen to an endless loop of "Centuries" and "Fake Your Death", the last MCR single.)

(Admit it, all of you have missed my bandom flailing. ADMIT IT.)
cupcake_goth: (I'll come back to haunt you)
( Apr. 1st, 2014 01:33 pm)
Dear brain, listening to "Disloyal Order Of Water Buffalos" on repeat is fun, but probably says something slightly worrying about our current mood.

::puts on all the FOB, because if I'm going for a crazycakes day, I might as well go big::

Last night was ... bad. For assorted reasons. As a result there was NO WAY liquid liner was an option this morning, which meant some fiddling with sparkly red-black eye shadow to make my eyes look less swollen.

Tonight: round 1 of Goth Upkeep (bleach and pink dye), and probably some Beetlejuice cartoons.

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

Hi, I've been kind of quiet lately, because I am ridiculously, ridiculously busy. My team is understaffed right now (epic understatement there, and hey, if any of you are technical writers or editors and are job-hunting, drop me a line), so I am currently juggling ...

::stops to count, cross-references with the White Board o' Insanity::

... 4 different projects. All of which are happening right now now NOW.

In addition to work being Do All The Things, homelife is chaotic right now, too. The Stroppy One has a tight deadline, I have a tight self-imposed writing deadline for a project, and hey I probably should get around to writing another Gothic Charm School column, shouldn't I? In addition to wanting to find time to see my friends and family, get some exercise, and start trying to go to bed earlier.

Let me put it this way: I am having to work on reminding myself that pushing and guilting myself to Do All The Things is a quick ticket to exhaustion, CrazyTown, and finding deep emotional resonance and meaning in the lyrics of Pete Wentz*. Ahahahaha.

Anyway, here, have some Goth at the Office photos:

Behind the handy cut tag! )

... the idea of taking tonight off from my assorted responsibilities and projects sounds REALLY enticing. Hmmm.




*The new Fall Out Boy album is delightful, and I find a little too much fun in figuring out which lyrics are going to be rattling around in my head when I'm having a Bad Day.


I'm having Yet Another Stressful Day (I kind of want to go smite some people I work with). Stressful enough that my brain is saying things like "The lyrics of Pete Wentz are full of deep emotional truth and resonance!" I have learned, this is not a good sign. This is a sign of looming crazycakes.

"My mind is a safe, and if I keep it then we all get rich."
A conversation that recently happened at our house:

The Stroppy One, noting what Renfield the iPod was blaring through the speakers: "Huh. I thought in this sort of mood you'd listen to your bandom playlist."

Me: "Oh no. When I'm in this sort of mood, the "crazy girls" playlist is better for my emotional health. Because I am always sure I am not as crazy as Emilie Autumn, but I can't always say that in relation to Pete Wentz."

The Stroppy One. ::pauses, blinks:: "Oh. Okay then."

---

In tangentially-related news: whoo! Tickets for the January 29th Emilie Autumn show go on sale today at 3pm! [personal profile] minim_calibre is going to get us tickets, as I will be off at therapy at that time.
Over the past week, I have felt *wretched*. The aches, fatigue, and dizziness of the Antibiotic Cellular Death Explosion TM the Infamous BlueJay just kept going. But worse was the fact that I was horribly, horribly depressed. Crying every day, even with the way my year has been, is not normal for me. Emotionally, I felt as numb and fragile as I did in January, right after Mom passed away.

So I looked up ALL the side-effects of my new antibiotic, and oh hey! "Possible side-effects may included depression, anxiety, mood swings, insomnia, confusion, and panic" Yeah, not taking that particular antibiotic anymore.

I have a check-in with my doc today, and we'll talk about the next thing to try. I'm staying on the Rifampin, because that IS knocking down the marker numbers for the Lyme disease, and it doesn't make me crazy. Now to just wait for the remains of the Biaxin to leave my system, so I can start feeling more like myself.
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