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In between editing things, I've been reading the reviews at Makeup Alley of Chanel's black nail polish. It's very fun to read the contortions the trendy fashion junkies are going through to explain how Chanel's black nail polish is So Much Better than any other black nail polish, and how it Isn't Goth At All, but Fashionable and Elegant, Dahling.
"This is a true elegant black. Slightly punky but not goth, it's the black you get from a soft black kajal eyeliner or the black of a true shot of espresso."
"So you think this is you average $5 black polish or even the Halloween black polish that Wet n Wild puts out. Yeah, I thought the same thing. I didn't want to spend $18 for a black nail polish. But I did. Think of that sleek black Maserati that when the sun hits it, the black paint emits many dimensions of its undertones-blues, silvers, greys, etc. Black is not black but more of an illusion of it as the light rays bounce off the polish. It doesn't look goth nor does it look playful. It looks sleek and sophisticated like that sports car!"
"Once it gets messy looking, your black nail polish goes from stylish to "goth"."
Now, I wear black nail polish all the time, and consider it as work appropriate as the strange, hyper-white tipped French manicures I see on other people. But, black nail polish ALWAYS says "goth" or "punk". Always. Anyone who believes otherwise has mainlined too many fashion magazines, and should probably take a little break and try and find their own style, instead of having one dictated to them every six weeks or so.
"This is a true elegant black. Slightly punky but not goth, it's the black you get from a soft black kajal eyeliner or the black of a true shot of espresso."
"So you think this is you average $5 black polish or even the Halloween black polish that Wet n Wild puts out. Yeah, I thought the same thing. I didn't want to spend $18 for a black nail polish. But I did. Think of that sleek black Maserati that when the sun hits it, the black paint emits many dimensions of its undertones-blues, silvers, greys, etc. Black is not black but more of an illusion of it as the light rays bounce off the polish. It doesn't look goth nor does it look playful. It looks sleek and sophisticated like that sports car!"
"Once it gets messy looking, your black nail polish goes from stylish to "goth"."
Now, I wear black nail polish all the time, and consider it as work appropriate as the strange, hyper-white tipped French manicures I see on other people. But, black nail polish ALWAYS says "goth" or "punk". Always. Anyone who believes otherwise has mainlined too many fashion magazines, and should probably take a little break and try and find their own style, instead of having one dictated to them every six weeks or so.
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My husband wears BDUs to work and is prevented from doing any of the things that might be a tipoff[1]. Nonetheless, at each new duty station, somebody has tagged him with epithets like "spooky" or "Satan" within the first few days.
I think it's really funny, though he scowls when I tease him about being called "Daywalker" by his current co-workers.
[1] Except for black hair dye. He's flirting with the idea of it right now, just to see what it would look like.
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sensitive eyes should look away, because Miss Laurel hasn't slept
You know what I just realized? I'm the resident foulmouthed crypto-Brujah on your friends list. Give me just a second to shriek a string of invective into a pillow.
*MURBLEDY STRING OF INVECTIVE! REALLY FILTHY EPITHETS THAT'D MAKE THE FRENCH BLUSH!!!!*
Dear Fashionistas,
Grip it. Just because you got a hipsterectomy at age *murbledy-murble* does not mean 1) we also got the memo, or 2) we want you misappropriating our most beloved cultural expression.
Because, motherfuckers, black nail polish is goth. Black nail polish is now, has always been and will always be goth. There's no two fucking ways about it.
Have you ever driven a Maserati (or fucked someone who did?)? GODDAMMIT. UNHAND MY $5 WET'N'WILD BLACK POLISH!
Don't hate us because we're more beautiful than you are, hate us because we like it.
love,
Laurel
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Re: sensitive eyes should look away, because Miss Laurel hasn't slept
Bwah-ha-ha!
(And for the record, snorking fizzy water? Painful. Really damn painful.)
I just want to respond to all those reviews with "It's so cute how all of you think you're edgy when you badly appropriate things from my chosen subculture."
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Those review are almost enough to make me want to paint my nails red for a while.
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Better now. :) Lord yes, how are hyper-white-tipped French manicures less bizarre than black polish? Myself, I am partial to OPI's gorgeous hematite-colored "Black Satin" and blackety-grapety "Lincoln Park After Dark."
It spooks me when mainstream culture picks us back up. But then, I'm still the girl who wants a Kambriel wedding gown. :)
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in other words: Brown.
gah.
I like what Laurel said. :-)
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THE ONE TRUE SHOT. THERE IS ONE TRUE ESPRESSO. Oh, good goddamn. I'm going to chalk this one up to major, major sleep dep and try to relax, because I'm getting much too exercised about nail polish.
Wait, maybe I'm not. Here's the thing: I love goth culture. I'm an out and fiercely proud goth. I'm a purist. And while it's singularly delicious that outfits like the House of Chanel put out hilariously high-end goodies for those of us who can do it, said same goodies bring out allllll the rabble. I see a lot of short black nails with Burberry trench coats and bad caramel-blond streaks lately. And it's not a dilution of the bloodline, if you will, it's just badly thought-through cultural misappropriation.
I'm sure there's a price at which I'd finally wear khakis and get a French manicure, but it'd half to be... boy oh boy, I'd love to get Jay another Maserati.
Yeah, he had one when he was twenty.
*eats a spider plant and sits behind the toilet, hallucinating and trembling with rage*
Unfortunately, I have just channelled a cat. Oops. Just doing my part to make your day as surreal as possible. Boy will this thread embarass me when I look at it again.
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http://euterpe35.livejournal.com/642970.html
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Bingo. That's it exactly.
I haven't seen anyone not of our tribe wearing black polish yet, but I'm sure it's only a matter of time around here. One of the marketing bunnies is sure to turn up with it.
*eats a spider plant and sits behind the toilet, hallucinating and trembling with rage*
If you were channeling one of my cats, you would be trying to burrow under a throw-blanket thingie. And then possibly getting in trouble for dunking a fuzzy toy mousie in the water dish.
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I did just eBay a NIB tube of Inimitable Mascara for about $22 all said. I'll let you know. :)
You mean other cats drown mousies, too? I thought that was just Aramis' game. He'll take a mousie into the kitchen, deposit it in the water dish and then sit there batting at it and going, "Awwww, God, it's wet. Ewwww. It wasn't supposed to get WET."
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So... dark brown, then?
With crema?
If I wasn't a Firm Believer in keeping my nails girlslash short, I'd want a Dru french manicure. Because that was pretty.
The regular ones are just scary and weird.
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::nearly inhales a mouthful of fizzy water::
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Creep-o-cure, here I come!
Ahem. This message brought to you by not enough caffeine.
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That needs to be carved in big letters near Westlake Center.
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I don't think.
And I'm pretty sure I'm not punk.
But the manicure before this one (which is the red of venal blood) (and probably the one after too) was black.
I suppose it's possible I'm not mainstream. It's an icky word. I just don't feel alternative.
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Don't know what I am, but I know what I'm not--I'm not one of the "In-duh-viduals" that Dogbert is always conning in the "Dilbert" strip.
I'm also partial to electric and royal blues...
Oh Lady of the Manners, is there a category for me?? :)
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Oh! The next time you're at the ... Firehouse? Whatever the youth centre you volunteer at is called, be sure to say hi to Ashley. She's the alterna-kid, vaguely goth girl who's here from TX. She's the neice of one of my co-workers, and she's hung out and talked with me a bit. She's a good kid, and I think she'd like (and needs!) some support from gloriously eccentric adults. We've been e-mailing back and forth.
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(Goes off to enjoy her chrome-purple nails and Wet&Wild #415 blue toenails...)
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I am both miffed and amused by the people who previously looked down their noses at alternative fashion types, but are now scrambling to get black nail polish because it's by Chanel.
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Having been painting my nails black for years, I've tried just about every brand version of the shade there is, and I can tell you that the cheap brands are many times better than the pricier ones...
I've tried the Chanel black polish and the NARS one, and they were both considerable goopy, hard to use, had badly designed lids and nasty brushes, and were less long lasting than el cheapo Barry M at £2.95 a bottle. Very irritating when you've choughed up £14 for them - yup fourteen British pounds - so stupidly expensive.
I'm currently into a reverse French of some fashion with either beige or white base and black tips...although often end up with not so much neat half-moon shaped sweeps of the alternate colour but pointy shapes, and Burtonesque curliques...hence:
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Channel makes me shake my fist. I sometimes like the concept of their couture clothing lines, but they always good *too far* with an idea. I don't mean too big, I mean too tacky. Like the "dragged through blood" concept they did last year. I love the concept, but it looked more like "dragged through bright red paint" in the execution. Or they will take an otherwise fabulous garment and then do something stupid like add fringe or big pallette sequins to it, so it goes right straight through to gaudy.
and you have heard me rant on more than 50 occassions about their coarse pigment grinds, use of dreadful ingrediants, and the horrendous quality of their products. I LOATHE them.
and the makeup reviewers in the fashion magazines that worship them but blow over the really good stuff (like... oh... I dunno... Make-Up Forever, for instance), well... let's just say that it makes it easier for me to ignore those magazines forever from there. These aren't reviews, these are advertisements and are paid for with product and perks (invite to the backstage of a rock concert anyone?).
me, jaded? never. :|
oh, and to them I say "keep your cheesy little trend following, fashion backward, illiterate, bland, boorish, vapid, claws off my subculture"
I should do a makeup review site/blog on the internet one of these days. Really get down and dirty about this stuff, maybe it would educated a few of these morons. But I doubt it.
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On a scale of one to ten, with ten being finest grind, here is how I would rate the pigments of some of the department store leaders:
Channel - 3
Lancome - 5
Shisedo - 7
Urban Decay - 4
Mac - 9
Make-Up Forever - 10 (yes, I do love love love them)
Ben Nye - 7
Prescriptives - 5
Drug stores/order:
Wet and Wild - 3
Milani - 5
Jane - 2
Avon - 3
Mary Kaye - 3
Bare Essentials - 4
as for nail polish specifically.. I would have to do that one at home, where I keep the big bucket of polish (it weighs about 15lbs now).
If you have a brand you want to know specifically, feel free to ask. Or you can email me at staxxy (at) gmail (dot) com
The finer the grind, the better not just the *blend* but also the crisp line (for effects, or lining), and the less you need to use of the stuff to get the "cake" color (the color that it is when in the container).
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Oh, and I absolutely adore the manicure with the black curlicues! Darling! Squee!