Seen in e_juliana's LJ

[cupcake_goth]

Let me save you $40, here's how to be happy. (Clicky-link!)

Yes, what the author is saying is obvious. And yes, I know that lots of us follow some (or all) of his advice. But hey, reminders are good!

You really should click through and read the post, but the condensed version is this:

1. Stop being a dick.
2. Stop whining.
3. Get out, get some exercise, unplug and deal with real people.
4. If people are treating you like crap, then let them go.
5. Your critics are always right.
6. Do hard stuff for a change.
7. Let stuff go / suck it up.

Sooo, I really need to keep working on 2, 6, and 7. I need to remember all of them, really, but 2, 6, and 7 are the ones I tend to not be as diligent about.

EDIT: a comment from javagoth made me want to clarify something. No, I don't entirely agree with #5. But, I think it's meant in the "Their perception is valid, and you might want to try and figure out what has given them that particular perception of you. Don't just dismiss it out of hand."

One's critics aren't always right. But I do think listening to one's critics is more valuable than a knee-jerk dismissive reaction.

Comments

[javagoth.livejournal.com]

Didn't read the article yet but I tend to disagree with this assertion:

5. Your critics are always right.

[e-juliana.livejournal.com]

The article fleshes it out:

If someone seriously says that you are some way — if they tell you you’re embarrassing to be around, or if they compare you to someone you hate, or if they say you’re not a very nice person, or whatever — then you are that way. You may not be that way in the core of your being, and you may not want to be that way, and it may be a surprise that you have come off that way, but their perception of you is valid, and you need to accept and deal with that. What did you do that made them think that was true? Where are they coming from with their experience of you that made it seem accurate? Ask yourself (and them) these questions, and see if you can take it as an opportunity for self-improvement.

[javagoth.livejournal.com]

Yep - that makes it better. Thanks. See also my reply to cupcake_goth. :)

[cupcake-goth.livejournal.com]

It's meant in the "Their perception is valid, and you might want to try and figure out what has given them that particular perception of you. Don't just dismiss it out of hand."

You're absolutely right, one's critics aren't always right. (And I'm probably going to edit my post to mention that!) But I do think listening to one's critics is more valuable than just a knee-jerk dismissal.

[ladymoira.livejournal.com]

It can also depend on if they are a critic or just someone indulging in #1. Remember - you are your own worst critic.

[javagoth.livejournal.com]

Now that I went and read the article I can see the point better - particularly in conjunction with #4. Thing is that I've had just too many instances where people who were of the sort that were dicks and folks I needed to drop heaped criticism that wasn't valid and because I didn't have good self esteem at the time I took it all in and beat myself up more.

So, it's a bit of a button for me. On the other hand, in the context of the article, it reminds me of a saying my counselor has: "Communication is what comes back to you." His point being that no matter what you intended to communicate - what the other person heard is what was communicated.