This sounded like a fun holiday thing, and then goes horribly wrong.

[cupcake_goth]

My honorary big brother caliban1227 just sent this to me. Yes, it is a real holiday tour thing. I've bolded the important "OH GOOD GOD NO" section.

http://www.alkitours.com/tourdetails/398.html
"Join Alki Tours on Santa Express To The Zoolights

December 6 2008
$79 adults/ children $54

A magical day awaits as we board the Christmas Train bound for Tacoma. With bells ringing and carolers singing were sure to be seeing St. Nick on the train. If your child has been good, the jolly old man has a package awaiting (if not, a lump of coal). The Cascades train will wind along the tracks on its way to Tacoma. Then Santa and his elves whisk you away to Pt. Defiance Zoo to rendezvous with the reindeer. Delight in the dazzling display of half a million colored lights shimmering in the night. See the huge replica of Mt. Rainier and cross through a myriad of lights into a dreamland of giant spiders! In the early evening our magical train whistles in and carries us home. The tour includes: train transportation, a snack pack, lots of entertainment and admissions."

I ... I can't even. "DREAMLAND OF GIANT SPIDERS". THAT IS NOT WHIMSICAL OR FULL OF HOLIDAY MAGIC. THAT IS FULL OF THE STUFF OF NIGHTMARES.

Dear Sandy Claws,

you probably should have the lawyer elves contact these crazy people, and have them stop perpetrating terror in your name.

Love,

Cupcake Goth

Comments

[maudelynn.livejournal.com]

Ha! I just posted this to a community I am in...
somehow the words Myriad and Dreamland with Spiders mixes NOT.

[radcliffe.livejournal.com]

oh, they misused spell check- they *meant* SNOWFLAKES.

Yes? Please?

[icebluenothing.livejournal.com]

I'm not personally scared of spiders -- but that doesn't frickin' mean I find them in any way *festive.*

[domestinatrix.livejournal.com]

I'll be over here with my little candles and bucket of latkes, away from all the screaming Christian children.

[schwarze-krahe.livejournal.com]

I think you might lose goth points for not wanting to see huge glowing spiders.

*shudder*

[blatherbits.livejournal.com]

Dreamland of GIANT SPIDERS!

What the bloody hell.. who dreams of giant spiders!

Are these people daft? Have they ever seen a Giant Spider? They eat your head you know!

[my-poison-apple.livejournal.com]

Since I seem to be on a semantic nitpicking role this morning, "a myriad of" drives me crazy.

More relevantly, they're probably gonna lose a lot of business with that Spider Dreamland (eep!) thing. I know at *least* 3-4 people who are minorly to majorly phobic, which statistically speaking should tell you something about the percentage in the general population.

[poh.livejournal.com]

First read of that ad when nihil_duce posted it, I totally missed the part about the giant spiders. I was caught on "Who in the fuck would pay $80 or more to go to Tacoma?"

[poh.livejournal.com]

Actually......now I'm curious to see this "Dreamland of Spiders." I hope it's not a typo.

[pope-guilty.livejournal.com]

Gothiest. Christmas. EVER.

[cupcake-goth.livejournal.com]

Well yeah, there's that too.

[my-poison-apple.livejournal.com]

Me too, but pahana would undoubtedly feel otherwise.

[maudelynn.livejournal.com]

Maybe the spiders write MERRY CHRISTMAS in their web, like Charlotte wrote things in her web?

[trystbat.livejournal.com]

I only want glowing spiders if they're burning a fiery death. And even then, I don't really need to see it, just to hear about it & perhaps look at the ashes to confirm that, yes, the giant spiders are DEAD, DEAD, DEAD & gone. Whew.

I'm *so* w/the Cupcake on this one.

[weaselmom.livejournal.com]

IIRC, on past trips to Zoolights with S, we skipped the Dreamland of Giant Spiders entirely. That's why God gave us eyelids. They may have changed the display to make it non-skippable, but Zoolights seems to be one of those things that makes changes at the same thrilling pace as continental drift.

I think the "jolly old man" should keep his package in his pants when he's around children.

Thank goodness December 26 always comes.

[javagoth.livejournal.com]

I suppose it's wrong of me that the bolded part almost makes me tempted to try to find a way to afford this...

[cupcake-goth.livejournal.com]

Spiderwebs can be delicate, lovely things.

I do not feel the same way about spiders. No, not at all.

[javagoth.livejournal.com]

I feel much the same way...

[caliban1227.livejournal.com]

So your saying that me hope that this was just a typo is a futile one.

[maudelynn.livejournal.com]

I shall make sure none are out if you ever visit :) I love all things spidery, snakey and batty...

[maschalismos.livejournal.com]

WAT?

I'm not against spiders, but I'm not for 'em either. This baffles me. WHO LINKS SPIDERS WITH WINTER HOLIDAYS? Who thought this was a good idea? I WANT NAMES.

[chrisrnps.livejournal.com]

WHO LINKS SPIDERS WITH WINTER HOLIDAYS?

"Thank you for visiting us to celebrate this traditional festival season commemorating death and rebirth. Since it is fucking December, the spiders are fucking dead. Here are some egg sacs that are sitting motionless, doing nothing at all. That will be eighty fucking dollars."

[icebluenothing.livejournal.com]

Hmmm? I'm a language pedant myself, and see no problem with "a myriad of". Merriam-Webster seems to agree with me (http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/myriad) on this one, too.

[icebluenothing.livejournal.com]

I'd be willing to pay at least that much if it were the only way out of Tacoma ....

[icebluenothing.livejournal.com]

The giant spiders distracted me momentarily from this:

See the huge replica of Mt. Rainier

Ummm, when the *actual* Mt. Rainier is just two hours away -- why?

[josienutter.livejournal.com]

Heeee!!

[weaselmom.livejournal.com]

Nope. They're up in the trees. To be honest, a lot of the Zoolights display is pretty crappy - just wooden cutouts of animal shapes with lights stuck through them. Nothing like the Garden D'lights at the Bellevue Botanical Garden (which, in the interest of full disclosure, has *one* glowy spider in a web, but he's easy to overlook).

[maschalismos.livejournal.com]

"That's right. They're all dead. Because it's winter. Have a jolly fucking holiday."

[19-crows.livejournal.com]

That's seriously wack. But I just send it to all my arachnophobe friends.

[dark-phoenix54.livejournal.com]

why in fuck would one have a huge replica of Mt. Rainier when the real thing is, like, practically right there?

"Dreamland of Giant Spiders"- I find that both horrifying and delightful.. delightful if I'm not in the middle of it!

[shoindiematrix.livejournal.com]

Spiders! Evil!!!!!!!

[twilight2000.livejournal.com]

OMG -- I can't even imagine -- if I'd been taken on this ride as a kid I would have been completely unhinged.

I.can't.even.imagine.this.horror.