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cupcake_goth May. 11th, 2024 12:52 pm)
cupcake_goth May. 11th, 2024 12:52 pm)DAD IS HOME! And we (finally) have some answers about what's going on!
The ongoing mystery blood loss is indeed because of deep hemorrhoids. He has an appointment with a colorectal specialist on Wed. to discuss the procedure he's going to have to fix this and hopefully keep him out of the hospital.
The severe anemia is probably due to a weird combination of his meds; he's probably going to have to have regular IV iron infusions while his medical team compares all his meds and figures out what needs to be tweaked, but hey, that's a solution.
During my visit with him, he finally admitted he's worried about the medical bills. (More on that at the end of the post.) His only income is Social Security and the for-profit U.S medical system is fucking terrible, so I'm not surprised he's worried. I had a vague memory of a Tumblr post with advice on dealing with medical bills, so I put the call out to the Tumblr hivemind. The hivemind found the post I needed in under ten minutes. Next week I will have a long phone call with Dad to get all the relevant billing information, then start researching and making calls.
I am, needless to say, relieved. He's had multiple trips to the hospital in the past year, and I hit the stage of freaking out about his mortality on the last one. But it sounds like there are finally answers and treatment that will fix things, so maybe my subconscious will stop with the horrible nightmares about him (or the Stroppy One) dying.
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(TW: suspected passive suicide)
The family fear of medical bills: Mom had spent most of October 1978 really sick. She thought it was a bad flu; after a few weeks, Dad bullied her into seeing a doctor. She was diagnosed with leukemia and admitted to the oncology ward November 1st. She was a miracle and survived. The small insurance company that Dad's employer used didn't. Apparently a few of their customers had serious medical issues, and the company went bankrupt.
Fast-forward to 2011: Mom had been having some serious medical issues and didn't tell Dad or me. She got so bad that Dad was able to bully her into going to the hospital and she was diagnosed with serious liver issues. After forbidding Dad to tell me, she checked herself out against medical advice and went home. Two days later she collapsed, was admitted to the ICU, and died shortly after. In looking at paperwork afterward, we discovered that two weeks before the first trip to the hospital, she filed specific forms with the union she was part of for some sort of extra insurance coverage in case of medical emergencies. (I am fuzzy on the details, and haven't been able to pry them out of Dad.)
Dad and I are pretty sure that Mom knew what was happening and didn't do anything about it because she didn't want to rack up huge medical bills. (There were some other big money issues that were happening that, again, Dad and I didn't know about. Mom had a very bad history of hiding and not paying bills.) Dad and I are also pretty pretty sure that she didn't want to cope with any of it, and felt too guilty to tell anyone about it. Which is why both of us believe that Mom decided to not do anything about the serious medical issues she was hiding and took a passive way out.
The ongoing mystery blood loss is indeed because of deep hemorrhoids. He has an appointment with a colorectal specialist on Wed. to discuss the procedure he's going to have to fix this and hopefully keep him out of the hospital.
The severe anemia is probably due to a weird combination of his meds; he's probably going to have to have regular IV iron infusions while his medical team compares all his meds and figures out what needs to be tweaked, but hey, that's a solution.
During my visit with him, he finally admitted he's worried about the medical bills. (More on that at the end of the post.) His only income is Social Security and the for-profit U.S medical system is fucking terrible, so I'm not surprised he's worried. I had a vague memory of a Tumblr post with advice on dealing with medical bills, so I put the call out to the Tumblr hivemind. The hivemind found the post I needed in under ten minutes. Next week I will have a long phone call with Dad to get all the relevant billing information, then start researching and making calls.
I am, needless to say, relieved. He's had multiple trips to the hospital in the past year, and I hit the stage of freaking out about his mortality on the last one. But it sounds like there are finally answers and treatment that will fix things, so maybe my subconscious will stop with the horrible nightmares about him (or the Stroppy One) dying.
---
(TW: suspected passive suicide)
The family fear of medical bills: Mom had spent most of October 1978 really sick. She thought it was a bad flu; after a few weeks, Dad bullied her into seeing a doctor. She was diagnosed with leukemia and admitted to the oncology ward November 1st. She was a miracle and survived. The small insurance company that Dad's employer used didn't. Apparently a few of their customers had serious medical issues, and the company went bankrupt.
Fast-forward to 2011: Mom had been having some serious medical issues and didn't tell Dad or me. She got so bad that Dad was able to bully her into going to the hospital and she was diagnosed with serious liver issues. After forbidding Dad to tell me, she checked herself out against medical advice and went home. Two days later she collapsed, was admitted to the ICU, and died shortly after. In looking at paperwork afterward, we discovered that two weeks before the first trip to the hospital, she filed specific forms with the union she was part of for some sort of extra insurance coverage in case of medical emergencies. (I am fuzzy on the details, and haven't been able to pry them out of Dad.)
Dad and I are pretty sure that Mom knew what was happening and didn't do anything about it because she didn't want to rack up huge medical bills. (There were some other big money issues that were happening that, again, Dad and I didn't know about. Mom had a very bad history of hiding and not paying bills.) Dad and I are also pretty pretty sure that she didn't want to cope with any of it, and felt too guilty to tell anyone about it. Which is why both of us believe that Mom decided to not do anything about the serious medical issues she was hiding and took a passive way out.
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And I'm pretty sure my dad committed passive suicide. He waited 6 months to schedule his surgery after being diagnosed with lung cancer, and refused all radiation and chemo.
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**hugs** on all of these things. It is stressful as fuck for ME so I can only imagine how much WORSE it is for you! Just... screaming into the void really. I am so glad you are on top of these things and not letting dad shimmy out of it, so it does actually get taken care of. Is he on medicare?
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The anemia seems to be a fairly frequent side effect, although it's often just waved off as "older person needs to eat more iron-containing foods." It's good that they are treating it, the treatment is so basic and so helpful.
Best wishes from internet stranger to all of you!
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I'm sorry about everything thought.
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I'm glad your dad is getting proper medical attention. How awful that your mom chose the path that she did. I am very sorry.
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I'm sorry that our shitty healthcare system has to make stressful situations a million times more fucking stressful.