(no subject)

[cupcake_goth]

 I have decided that once we sell the other house (thus reducing our monthly expenses, hoooo boy), I will be a responsible grown-up and look into finding a personal trainer. One that has experience with people with fibromyalgia/MECFS, back issues, etc. 

I don't want to. WOW, do I not want to. But I'm terrible about exercising, and I should probably talk to a professional about what exercise is *safe* for me to do.

(Oh hey, did you know that one of the side-effects/symptoms of MECFS is post-exertional malaise? As in prolonged physical activity leads to an even higher level of fatigue and exhaustion, and depressive swings? I mean, it's nice to know that it's not in my head, but the amount of research one has to do in order to learn anything about a chronic illness is ... frustrating. Let's leave it at that.)

IN ADDITION to all of this, the Body Image Demons are getting even louder. I really don't like my body. I am trying to make peace with my shape and size, but it's hard. I know those things don't define me or my worth, but messages instilled in childhood linger no matter how much therapy I go through.

One of the reasons for the BIDs upping their volume is that I've been thinking of outfits for the Vampire Masquerade Ball in May, and I had a delightful vision of an ivory frock coat, ivory skirts, and an ivory jabot, all appliqued with rhinestone & beads blood. And an ivory hat swathed in very sheer red tulle, also flecked with beads of blood. I was enthusiastically telling the Stroppy One about this, and he said, "It sounds striking. It also sounds like when you see photos of yourself in an all-ivory outfit, even with the blood spatter, you will be ... unhappy with them. Because I know you won't see the outfit, you'll focus obsessively on your size."

Dammit. He's not wrong, not even a little bit. So I had a bit of a cry, and am now trying to figure out if the same outfit idea would look as striking with a black frock coat. Considering how sparkly I'd make the blood appliques, almost certainly. But right now I am sad and hate my body even more than usual. 

So! That's the state of me, ugh. I want to strangle the Body Image Demons. 

Comments

[staxxy]

this is a gentle reminder that the BIDs usually show up when you are trying to figure out an outfit for A Large Event (ie anything where you will be on stage, on camera, or otherwise in the spotlight). Also, I agree with P. about you and white/ivory outfits.

the working out that is safe is something I have on my brain too, but I am going to see a Physical Therapist instead of a Personal Trainer. And yeah, boy howdy is that post-exertion flare-up a THING and so very NOT in our own head.

What if you do blood stained ivory frock coat. Very blood stained, mind you, so um... not to put too fine a point on it but enough so it won't read in your brain as 'marshmallow' when it is photographed. But you could embellish it even MORE blood beads for EXTRA SPARKLY. (okay, so my brain says use blood colored heat-set rhinestones but we have been watching a LOT of all of the drag race shows so ... drag queens kind of kick me in the "I LOVE SPARKLIES MMMM SPARKLIES GIMME SPARKLIES" place, so ya know.. keep THAT in mind.

I suspect if you did the blood stains as a sort of long DRIP maybe so they aren't REALLY vertical stripes but they aren't entirely NOT vertical stripes either?

[danabren]

All of this.

I suggest a pattern of beads/rhinestones that starts heavily at one shoulder and then spills down to a trickle.

Thus but more.

[staxxy]

I was thinking the blood spatter would be suggestive of coming from where she bit a victim, or perhaps the sort of blood spatter one might achieve while slaughtering one's enemies with an axe or tearing them apart with one's hands. so heavier on the lapels and spreading out from there, or heaviest along the sleeves but also heavier along the bottom and lighter as you go up perhaps. I had thought straight down from the shoulders but angling in toward her center would be extra slimming.

[danabren]

It's all good :D ALL THE SPATTERS AND TRICKLES

[oldhalloween]

The getting older part while trying to carry the weight is really hitting me harder. Joints, knees, and my back. Trainer if you can set up a basic gym in the house that comes to you would be awesome. My recumbent exercise bike that doesn't put a strain on my back or knees is probably the most useful purchase. Bike while watching TV is the only way I can't through it.

If you didn't like your PT for the herniated disc nothing wrong with seeing someone else to set a safe routine for the herniated disc. In PT right now for the pelvic floor and I brought my diagnosis paperwork with me so she knows what I can and can't do. Anything that is sitting and reaching forward is out. Regular PT guy set a gym routine for me only I never went since it was during the beginning of Covid. Try to replicate most of it at home.

[lilysea]

All the fibromyalgia/MECFS solidarity!

[sistawendy]

I will be a responsible grown-up and look into finding a personal trainer.

Hell. Yes! I hesitate to bring it up, but I know someone who's had some recent success under similar if not worse conditions: my ex. Would you like her contact info?

I want to strangle the Body Image Demons.

They should be hung, drawn, and quartered.

Speaking of the VMB, I can't for the life of me find a ticket link for this year. Do you know what's going on?