When real things happen to imaginary people

cupcake_goth @ 2026-05-06T14:06:00

2026-05-06T21:13:00Z

Day two of horrible migraine, now with the exciting new symptom of sensitivity to noise. Whee?

This comes with a side of anxiety, because I don’t trust HR or upper management anymore. My manager is great, but she’s not the one with ultimate power over things. If I’m okay tomorrow, I’m going to have to work late to hit some deadlines.

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In happier news, the Florence + the Machine concert is next week! Which means it’s time to figure out an outfit! Right now I have no idea, but it’s something to think about while I’m languishing on the couch.

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In which I am an unobservant idiot

2026-05-05T20:41:04Z

We went out to dinner last night at an upscale steakhouse that has an Argentinian theme. My steak was delicious, but I misread the menu and thought the steak came with fancy mashed potatoes. No, that was an option, but the standard is polenta. And because I haven’t had polenta in YEARS, I didn’t realize what it was until I’d eaten about a third of it.

I immediately took an interrupt med, which helped keep the migraine down to a mid-range level. I took all the preventative things when I went to bed; when I woke up at 5-ish to go to the bathroom I felt okay. Then the alarm went off and everything was awful. So I have tapped out from work and filed my intermittent leave claim.

God, the polenta was delicious. :: weeps ::

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SON OF A BITCH

2026-04-30T19:12:57Z

June 2, 20206
NYC

AMC & AMC+ Present: The Vampire Lestat: One Night Only - LIVE

Lights Down. Volume Up. Fangs Out.

On the final stop of the band’s decadent North American tour, The Vampire Lestat transforms the Beacon Theatre into a cathedral of chaos. The night kicks off with the exclusive premiere screening of The Vampire Lestat—your first hit of the myth, the menace, and the music.

Then the one and only Lestat de Lioncourt hits the stage.

In full rock‑god form, Lestat unleashes a live musical performance soaked in swagger, spectacle, and immortal excess. This is part screening, part concert, part temptation—designed to shake the walls and leave the faithful wanting more.

One night. No restraint.

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This is one of those times that I'm sad I'm not an actual big-name influencer, because you just know some of those types will be flown out for this.

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Eldergoth Nostalgia

2026-04-29T00:08:24Z

Or to quote Rasputina, "The scene is never what it used to be".

I had a lovely, wistful sort of dream the other night in which solstice_lilac gave me an old compilation tape she had made long ago. (In the dream) I had a full stereo system with a tape deck that magically produced fantastic-quality audio, and I immediately played the tape. It was 120 minutes of gorgeous ethereal swirly goth music. I woke up with the melancholy realization that 1) I couldn't remember any of the bands on the dream tape, and 2) they probably didn't exist in the real world.

But oh! It was lovely while the dream lasted.

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The infrared scope of pointlessness

2026-04-27T19:22:00Z

(Thank you, Fall Out Boy, for providing post titles.)

I'm currently at THREAT LEVEL: BANDOM, which is different from me just deciding to listen to the bandom playlist. Mostly because it's an early sign (warning?) that my stress levels mean I'm starting to hit the "Pete Wentz gives voice to deep emotional truths in all of his lyrics" stage, which is entertaining but a little worrying. In other words, it's a super early signpost for the road to Crazytown.

My stress levels are high because a) being out with food poisoning last week meant that I lost a lot of traction on work projects. I knocked off a few of them on Friday, and today is about nagging multiple PMs to give me the information they promised to provide LAST week. The more things change and so on.

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I can also tell my stress levels are high because I've been looking at blog posts/watching videos about Whitby Goth Weekend in the UK to decide if I want us to visit Whitby on our UK trip, and I keep rolling my eyes at the steampunk folks. Which is unkind and mean-spirited of me, but the romantic and vampire goths want our damn top hats, frock coats, and jabots back, dammit.

I've decided against Whitby, because my research has shown that any of the things related to Dracula are, well, kind of silly/tacky. (Part of the book is set there, for those who haven't read it.) Also, I'd much rather go to Glastonbury and roam the witchy and eccentric shops.

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Guess who is contemplating adding even more talismans to the 24/7 necklace stack? No, I don't know why I feel that I need to, but whooo do I.

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If anyone was thinking of buying TJ’s chicken soup, DON’T

2026-04-23T21:08:30Z

(The container from the refrigerated section.)

I had some for lunch Monday, felt unwell and had a lot of problems sleeping, then woke up early suffering nausea, chills and a fever, excruciating muscle pain, a bad headache, and overwhelming fatigue.

I did the right thing and tapped out on Tuesday and Wednesday with the hopes of being back to work today. The overwhelming vertigo and inability to think clearly killed that idea.

I am, of course, worrying about 1) the massive chaos I’ll return to, and 2) that’s three sick days that aren’t part of my intermittent leave, how does that look to management, something something job security?

ugh.

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I get the message ...

2026-04-17T18:47:03Z

But I don't know if I'll actually follow through. You see, for the past week and a bit, no matter what tarot or oracle deck I pull a card from, they all have the same essential message: REST, GODDAMMIT. You know, that thing I'm terrible at, even tho' I encourage other people to do it.

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I wish the Stroppy One was more interested in wandering through thrift stores and antique malls. I always explain to him that it's not about buying things, it's about window shopping and finding really weird things. But no, he's not interested. Drat. (Tho' I do need to look into taking the occasional Tuesday or Tuesday early evening off, because that's the day of "senior discount" at the local Discovery Shop and Value Village, and hell yes I want to take advantage of that.

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cupcake_goth @ 2026-04-08T16:22:00

2026-04-08T23:27:55Z

Tuesday was "wake up with a pray for a coma" migraine, as in I tapped out of work the moment I was able to focus my eyes on the Slack app on my phone, then passed out for a few more hours. Then went downstairs, had food and coffee, took meds, and spent the rest of the day drifting in and out of sleep.

Which means, of course, that today is the rebound migraine; it's not overwhelmingly painful, but oh, the brain fog and vertigo. And I have two different sets of release notes that need to be cleaned up by the time I log off tonight, whee.

One good thing was today was migraine Botox day, so that'll take care of one breed of migraines. But that meant I lost time during the work day, and there's those release notes, and everyone who had rush projects last week are off at a customer expo this week which means no one is getting back to me with review notes and UGH. It's only Wednesday, but this week has been forever.

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I can't think of an appropriate bandom lyric

2026-04-06T19:53:00Z

- During one of my recent thrifting outings I found a copy of The Velvet Room, a Zilpha Keatley Snyder book I don't remember! With a fantastic pink cover, no less.

- Remember me mentioning that the neurosurgeon back specialist referred me to the targeted physio side of his team? I hadn't heard from them by last Friday, so I called, went through the labyrinth of call options, and finally spoke with someone who could schedule an appointment. The earliest they could find was June 11th. I'm unhappy, but the Stroppy One is LIVID. We started this process in Nov./Dec., and I've gotten some suggestions but no real help. I'm going to see if I can speak to someone about what will be discussed at the June 11 appointment and if we can make sure I get the targeted injections in my hip at that appointment, because ...

- We're going to the UK at the beginning of July. This means a lot of walking, and we want to make sure that I'm not in pain the entire trip. I'm still going to bring a fuckton of muscle relaxers with me.

- Related to the trip: During our last visit, Thea mentioned her mobility scooter and how it's made all the difference for her being able to do things. This prompted the Stroppy One to very gently bring the up the possibility of me renting one for the length of time we'll be spending in Edinburgh. I said that I understood that it could help me and we should look into it; I sat there for 10-ish minutes getting more and more upset, then burst into tears and said I didn't want to be that fat American on a disability scooter with no obvious disability. The Stroppy One said he understood and that he had been expecting me to have a freakout over that exact thing. (!!!) So that's a thing we need to discuss more, and hopefully I won't have a complete meltdown.

"But Jilli, you go out walking around, what makes you think you wouldn't be able to while on vacation?" This is true, but I generally don't do that every day, and when I do go out and Do Things, I usually end up taking muscle relaxers and pain meds when I get home AND spend the following day resting. So yeah, this is a big concern and the Brain Raccoons are determined to make me miserable about it. Ugh.

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cupcake_goth @ 2026-04-01T14:15:00

2026-04-01T21:36:37Z

Everything is making me tired and meh and/or anxious. Work, concerns about Erzabet, my stupid mortal shell, the ongoing dumpster fire of the world right now ... all of it.

- Erzabet did seem better once she had the steroids, so we are getting a new version of her nightly ear cream that will be steroids + the treatment for the hyperthyroid issue. According to the vet, she's "perfect on paper", so maybe the issue with her intestines was general inflammation. Don't take after me, Erzabet!

- I say that because I have learned that garlic is REALLY not my friend, and causes a huge amount of inflammation. Between that and tomatoes causing the same thing, I may no longer be able to indulge in Mexican or Italian food. I am full of woe.

- I had the appointment with the neurologist back surgery specialist, and he was very helpful. The upshot is right now there isn't anything on the images that shows I'd be a good candidate for back surgery. So the sibling team to his is going to reach out to me so I can start targeted physiotherapy with them for my right hip, and have injections of a cocktail of steroids, lidocaine, and painkillers. If those things don't help, they'll discuss it with the neurologist back surgery specialist to figure out what the next steps might be.

- Work is ... yeah. There are several things I'm stuck on because I'm waiting on other people or automated processes. I wouldn't be worried about this if it wasn't for the woman who's pinch-hitting for my boss (who is out for family issues) really likes continuous updates on all projects. The pinch-hitting manager was also the manager for two of the writers who were let go, so of course my anxiety has latched onto that.

- I'm having a difficult time to work up the energy to do any witchcraft-related work. I want to, but the brain fog and apathy have been crushing. I also want to start keeping a paper and pen journal; it's something my therapist has strongly recommended and I want to do it, but brain fog and apathy.

Wow, I'm whiny. I keep fantasizing about being medically ordered to take a week at the seaside like Victorian invalid.

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cupcake_goth @ 2026-03-29T12:51:00

2026-03-29T20:03:56Z

Yesterday some friends and I all felt well enough to actually carry through on a tentative plan we made! (All of us are some flavor of chronically ill and in pain, so this was kind of a big deal.) We went to a local pop-up "flea market". It was not a flea market in the traditional sense, it was a market full of vintage clothing etc. vendors. It was fun to wander through, but the only thing I bought was a back issue of Fangoria - a vampire special! At one stall I looked at a really pretty ceramic trinket box; I turned it over to look at the price ($20), and found the scraps of a Goodwill sticker still clinging to it. Yeah, no.

After we grabbed a snack, we hit two thrift stores and I Got Things! Two very pretty trinket boxes (a glass one with roses painted on the lid, the other is wood with mother of pearl inlay), three vintage gothic romances, a pajama set that is very Gothic Heroine in style, a candle snuffer, and a footed silver serving platter. We also found one of the most terrifying dolls I've ever seen, and no, none of us bought it.

Look, I'm a connoisseur of creepy dolls, and even I wouldn't want that thing in my house.

Because Leaving The House means proper clothes, I wore one of the Selkie-style blouses that the Madwoman in the Attic made for me. This style of blouse is possibly my new favorite wardrobe item, so it's a good thing I have ... um ... four of them already.

(Yep, I need to take the bust in a little bit. Simple enough.)

Of course, yesterday's outing has left me sore and headache-y today, so it's a good thing I hadn't made plans.

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No. Do not want.

2026-03-27T23:50:49Z

We took Miss Erzabet No Biting to the vet yesterday; despite her thyroid ear goo, she's lost weight, is still peeing and pooing everywhere, has been throwing up a lot, has been drinking a LOT of water, and has days of sneezing and being listless.

They drew blood, did x-rays, then gave her some fluids, vitamins, and steroids. The vet said that we'll have test results in a few days, but she has lost weight and just looking at her he's pretty sure there's something wrong. On the x-rays her kidneys looked smaller than they should, and her intestines "didn't look right", but he needs the tech to increase the contrast before he can make a diagnosis.

He used the phrase "be prepared in case of end of life procedures are needed". Not a phrase anyone ever wants to hear, and it sent me straight to my anti-anxiety meds.

For all we know, she'll be put on an additional med and she'll be healthy and happy for years. That's what I'm hoping for. Because while I love(d) all of our kitties, past and present, Miss Erzabet No Biting is the spiritual successor to my beloved Dread Beastie, and I'm not ready for her to leave.

Dear 2026, DO NOT.

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Shallow fashion ponderings

2026-03-25T20:45:48Z

No matter what I do, my hair isn't returning to its previous thickness. I'm loathe to ask my GP for any of the prescriptions that are supposed to help with that because I'm already taking eight prescription meds daily, plus the "as needed" ones, plus around nine or ten OTC supplements, so I don't want to add to that list.

So! I've decided to return to wearing a hat any time I leave the house. I just refurbished my black straw top hat; it now has a large plume of black ostrich feathers, a large antique lace bow with an antique rhinestone buckle, and pink faux roses tucked around the bow. I'm still dithering about if I want to make it even MORE over-the-top by adding a bat chiffon veil that would trail down from the back of the hat.

I'm also refurbishing all of my wide-brimmed hats, as carrying a parasol while using a cane probably requires more dexterity than I have. Everything is getting more veiling, and I'm dithering about if I need to order a few more crow skull replicas.

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Thanks to some things rolling across my IG feed, I've learned about the world of Kitchener Style Essences, which supposedly help you learn "where your style and personality blend!" So a more elaborate version of finding your color season. (Good lord, Color Me Beautiful is still going strong. What a flashback to my teens.)

In October of last year, a "lost" essence was "found"/created: Oneiric. "A softer, more melancholic edge that merges mystery and muted darkness. Something that had never been fully acknowledged, at least not widely." Do you mean: Romantigoth? Doing more reading about it, why yes, they mean Romantigoth. But of course, the people who have latched onto it are quick to say it's not goth. Of course, what a surprise. But it's fun to read about, and is a source for more makeup inspirations.

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Speaking of makeup, let me direct you to this post on Tumblr, where an absolutely adorable young lady demonstrates how to do a ghostly and haunted makeup look for folks with darker skin. Perfection.

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cupcake_goth @ 2026-03-20T12:37:00

2026-03-20T19:47:07Z

Work yesterday left me incredibly frustrated. The ducks that are nibbling me to death have mutated to giant size and with razor-sharp beaks. Because I was so frustrated, I decided I needed to reread one of the most disturbing sets of Hannibal AU fics I've ever encountered: A Gifted Student and A Letter to My Abuser. They're gorgeously, awfully written. (If you decide to read them, pay close attention to the tags oh god pay close attention to them.)

A Letter to My Abuser is, in some ways, the harder read for me, because when I first read it I tried to figure out why I identified so hard with a side character; Ollie, so giddy to meet his literary idol, but forcibly warned/ran off by this AU version of Will Graham. When I read it last night, my brain went "ohhhhh, yeah, Neil Gaiman", and then I had to read some fluffy fic to scrub my brain.

I hope his victims get closure. And that they win the legal actions against him, because they deserve the money they're suing for.

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EDITED TO ADD: I used to subscribe to FKAHerSweetness' Ko-Fi, as she left Ao3 and only posted her fic behind a paywall. I eventually ended my subscription because as time went on, I didn't enjoy how she wrote Will. She writes AUs only, and more power to her, but they became something I didn't want to read.

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I'm like a diamond on the inside / just add the pressure

2026-03-18T19:52:22Z

(Thank you FOB/Pete Wentz for always providing entertaining song lyrics.)

Everything is ugh. My back is having one of its stretches of hurting and feeling fragile, so my life involves lidocaine patches and dipping into the stash of muscle relaxers and heavy-duty pain meds. I've been having an upswing in different types of migraines, and I suspect the main culprits are weather and stress. All I want to do is sleep, and my mood can generally be described by that Charles Darwin quote of "I am very poorly today & very stupid & I hate everybody & everything". With a large side of "meh". I really want a doctor to prescribe the historical treatment of going to the seaside for a week (with the appropriate servants to take care of me and bring me dainty treats while I sit with my feet in the ocean).

Today is particularly ugh, as we lost three writers yesterday and I need to cover their work while we hire new writers for those positions. (Yeah, read between the lines there and you can probably guess what happened.) Thankfully, I talked to my boss and asked how this would work with my current projects, and she told me that my number one priority right now is to focus on the writing/being a writer, and once those positions are backfilled, I'll go back to my Program Manager work. So at least I don't have to worry that I'm being held to two sets of different standards. But still, stressful.

Meh.

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One thing that's been entertaining me is going through my Tumblr archives - prompted by a post going around asking people how long they've been on Tumblr oh my god 2010 really?! - and finding a lot of fun content and a lot of pink & black eye candy. But I realized (a bit too late) that I shouldn't read my text posts from 2011, because that was the worst year of my life. Dear Powers That Be, that isn't an invitation to go "hold my beer!" and try to overshoot that. I don't need that.

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cupcake_goth @ 2026-03-13T14:36:00

2026-03-13T21:54:01Z

It's snowing. In March. Sure, why not.

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In screaming fangirl news, AMC announced the June 7th premier date for The Vampire Lestat, posted the opening credits to YouTube, and released the second single. I DON'T WANT TO WAIT I WANT ALL OF IT NOW.

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Speaking of vampires -- you know, one of my default states of being -- I have decided that a way to bring myself more joy is to lean into my pink and black aesthetic, with more of a vampire governess vibe. Because I've needed distraction recently, I made a Pinterest board. I may spend part of this weekend reworking my pink wide brimmed hat that has bat lace appliques on the underside of the brim and making a pink lace jabot.

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Even more vampires: I spent last night reading a fantastic AU Hannibal/True Blood fic, only to get to the last chapter that was a note from the author saying they would no longer be updating the story as they have left the Hannibal fandom. DAMMIT.

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Health stuff: I've been having bouts of stomach bloating and pain (mostly after I eat something) for no real reason I can identify, so I tried an experiment: for the past few days, I didn't have anything with cheese, and lo, everything was fine. Today I added cheese to the exact same thing I had for yesterday's lunch, and guess what? If I have become digestively sensitive to cheese, I want to punch a divine being in the face multiple times. Cheese my beloved, don't hurt me!

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cupcake_goth @ 2026-03-10T16:40:00

2026-03-10T23:50:29Z

Between yesterday and today, including medication-induced napping, I slept for over 13 hours. I guess that's what happens when I finally let myself rest on day six of a migraine. Yes, feel free to glare at me about being terrible at taking care of myself. I KNOW.

The ridiculous thing is I'm still tired. Like, if I logged off right now, zapped a buckwheat pillow to put on my face, and flopped on the couch, I'd be out for at least an hour.

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I'm no longer in the "ugh I hate everything everything is stupid especially me" state that I'd been in over the past few weeks. Well, I still feel like randomly crying, but I don't hate myself, so progress yay?

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Last night, the latest of Seanan McGuire's Incryptid series hit my Kindle, yaaaay! But I haven't started it yet because the book focuses on one of the characters --Sarah-- I don't care that much about. I prefer her as a supporting character, but also know I'm probably not going to get more books focused on Mary or Antimony for a while. (Also, anything about Sarah has a good chance of involving a giant spider, gaaaaaaah.)

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Thanks to my Tumblr dash over the past few weeks, I am kicking myself for selling off this mandragora pendant from Moon & Serpent. I technically could afford replacing it, but I'm saving my money for my big tattoo, as in commissioning the art and then getting it inked.

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Still talking about that emotional support stuffed animal fb group

2026-03-07T22:50:07Z

To be clear, I support people doing whatever they want with their plushies. 100%. But I feel it’s weird to put a muzzle on them, or have a tag with your name, phone number, and address attached to their harness. I get that’s it’s to help get them back if you lose them, but the data privacy part of my brain is backing away chanting NO NO NO.

An interesting discussion that’s happened in the group is about microchipping your support plushie. On the one hand, putting an Apple air tag in Clovis would soothe some of my ever-present mild anxiety when he travels with me. On the other hand, that would involve opening a seam and carefully sewing it closed and in NO WAY do I feel comfortable doing that.

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cupcake_goth @ 2026-03-02T16:53:00

2026-03-03T01:02:16Z

Today I am cranky and angry for no real reason. I mean, yeah, the ongoing dystopian hellscape that we're in, but that's an ongoing background hum. No, today is wanting to snap at everyone and everything. Which is an interesting change from feeling low or anxious, which is usually what the Brain Raccoons dish out, but I still don't like it.

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The Stroppy One had a lightbulb moment and suggested that I check the side effects of the mass of meds that I take to see if any of them can cause nightmares. Interestingly that included steroids, antibiotics, Flonase, and daily steroid inhalers. I've stopped using Flonase, and that does seem to have made the nightly nightmares ease up. Now I need to do the same research to see if any of my meds cause acid reflux, because even tho' I'm on pantoprazole twice a day, acid reflux has been waking me up most nights. My Wegovy dosage hasn't increased, so that's not the trigger. But I need to figure it out, because if the acid reflux is bad enough, it can (say it with me now) trigger bronchitis for me. So fun.

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Today's tarot card: the 4 of Bats (4 of Swords), which is all about needing rest and calm. ANVILS FALLING FROM THE SKY.

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Fangirl geebling

2026-02-22T20:50:10Z

The background: last year MCR announced the second US leg of the Long Live the Black Parade tour, with the city/date closest to me being Oct. 24 in L.A.. The Stroppy One sighed at the inevitable, and cass404 braved the Ticketmaster queue to get us tickets. the Ticketmaster online queue to get us tickets. Then MCR announced the final two shows of the tour, both in L.A.: Oct. 30 & 31. Cue much wailing from me, because there was no way I could afford to stay in L.A. for a week.

Last weekend, the Stroppy One suggested I ask Cass if I could stay at her place for a week, and the we head back to L.A. for the concerts. I stared, asked if he was okay with me missing our anniversary to go see MCR. He pointed out that he wouldn’t have suggested it if he wasn’t, just see if tickets were available you silly head.

So! After conferring with Cass, I’m going to see if any tickets are available. Because spending time with Cass is something I desperately miss, and omg my precious cupcakes of bombast.

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(still) pondering shallow consumerism (always)

2026-02-20T21:13:07Z

- While I still love love love this dress from a Ukrainian designer, I went to another website to ogle an embroidered long linen jacket that I've also pined over, and now I can't decide which to buy in a few weeks. I'm now leaning toward the linen piece, because that would be more versatile.

- I spent some time idly searching for granny and/or "Victorian" boots across eBay, Poshmark, and Depop, and let me tell you, there is nothing out there with combination of a pointed or almond toe shape, lace-up, a side zipper, and a 2" block or walking heel. But then I had the possibly brilliant thought of taking a pair of my existing lace-up boots to a cobbler to have a side zip put in. I need to ponder this some more, but I sense a trip to the cobbler in my future.

- Remember that fabric with the Haunted Mansion wallpaper print on AliExpress? It arrived, and the print quality is good! The actual color isn't pink, but a bright wine, which also works for me. When the Stroppy One saw the fabric, he told me to order more, as he wants a waistcoat in it, and possibly a jacket.

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I'm constantly tired, no matter how much sleep I get, and I'm having non-stop stress nightmares every night. Dear Brain, a nightmare of the Stroppy One presenting us with divorce papers because we got his coffee order wrong is ridiculous, as is the one where he abandons me at airport security and walks off with my passport and Clovis Devilbunny. RIDICULOUS, STOP IT.

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A list of random things, mostly shallow consumerism

2026-02-13T23:00:27Z

- I'm still dithering about the striped blouse and skirt from Blackwood Castle. The dithering continues because 1) do I really need more clothes? and 2) ...

- I spent a not-inconsiderable sum on a one-of-a-kind pendant from Bloodmilk. I missed it when it was originally for sale, but the woman who bought it is in France and realized that because of other things, she couldn't afford the tariffs and other shipping nonsense. She's reached out to Bloodmilk and they will ship it directly to me.

- Having bought that has also helped me deal with the extreme annoyance of learning that Chanel brought back Rouge Noir lipstick as a limited edition and it's already sold out and is going for double the original price over on Poshmark. Both the Stroppy One and minim-calibre reminded me that there was no way of seeing the color IRL (of course it was an online/boutique only release), so I had no way of telling if the color was accurate or if it skewed warm like so many dark blackened red lipsticks do these days.

- AMC has released another teaser trailer for The Vampire Lestat! Plus finally released the first single, "Long Face", for sale on various music platforms, and UPDATED THE MERCH STORE WITH A TOUR SHIRT. Sooooo those are things I tripped and hit the Buy Now button for.

- The Ghost concert is Sunday, wheeee! Faux -Satanic metal + bombast is exactly what I need right now. Shallow Fashion Details for my planned outfit:

Black and pink striped unnerving governess dress
Black lace and ribbon jabot that has the "Memento Vivre / Memento Mori" ribbon from Kalma as the focal point
Wide black elastic belt with skeleton hand buckle
Hair pulled up under a vintage black silk top hat (it's a short crown hat, so it won't block anyone's view) festooned with veils
Black and pink Dr. Martens
Black face mask

Now to hope I can manage to dye at least the front half of my hair so it's not a faded mess that shows beneath the hat.

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cupcake_goth @ 2026-02-08T12:47:00

2026-02-08T20:52:42Z

We're going to a superbowl gathering today. It's with the usual suspects, so it'll be a nice social gathering, which is the reason I'm going. I'm going to settle in a corner of the living room with my hand sewing project and be utterly confused by what is happening on screen; to say I'm not a football person is an amazing understatement.

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I'm starting to feel much better thanks to the THIRD FUCKING ROUND of steroids and antibiotics. Everyone cross your fingers that this takes care of it all. But I still have to remind myself that I'm recuperating, and I've got :: waves hands vaguely :: the back thing, so I have to be even more mindful of what I do and how I move. I am very bad at remembering all of this.

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OH MY GOD I WANT TO DYE MY HAIR. But it's fascinating to see how much white has taken over the front of it.

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Cute but kinda odd?

2026-02-07T01:13:07Z

FB recommended the group "essa - comfort stuffed animal". It's exactly what it sounds like: do you have a stuffed animal that gives you emotional support? Talk and share photos in the group!

It's cute seeing everyone's photos, but ... DRAMA! Does your stuffed animal count as an essa if you haven't dressed it in a tiny "Support Animal" vest? Why did you pick that stuffed animal? OMG you aren't cleaning them the ~~right~~ commentor's way? If they're truly an essa, why are you asking for support or ways to feel more comfortable taking them with you out in the world?

Like, serious drama over these things. Which, of course, means it's a REAL online group/community, right?

(The tiny "Support Animal" vests that people think means their stuffed animals are more valid than others is WILD. Clovis Devilbunny thinks the whole thing is hilarious.)

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Someday I will post about something other than my health

2026-02-05T21:46:13Z

But today is not that day.

I had an appointment with my GP yesterday, and after listening to my lungs and gently touching my face to check how inflamed my sinuses were (very, I winced away from her fingers every time), I have won yet more fucking steroids and antibiotics. I spent the night in a huge amount of discomfort (understatement), and I don’t know if that’s because of the heavy-duty antibiotics, or if last night’s dinner at a restaurant had something wrong with it. I felt unwell enough that I took today off, even tho’ I’m starting to feel a tiny bit anxious about how often I’ve had to tap out of work because of my health.

We also went over my MRI results, wheee. Bursitis in both hips, mild scoliosis, a few discs that have started to bulge, and more spinal stenosis than expected. In other words, my back is absolutely messed up. I spoke to one of of the patient advocates/scheduling specialists at the neurology/back branch of Virginia Mason (I’ve been in back and forth calls with them for a few weeks); consultation appointments are being scheduled six months out, and they can’t even start scheduling appointments for August until March. I’m less than thrilled.

Ugh. Bodies are stupid.

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