Update time!

[cupcake_goth]

Yes, finally. A new lesson at Gothic Charm School!

Of Self Harm (There's More To This Lesson Than "Please Don't")



A huge round of thank-yous and whatever tasty beverages they want to The Finishing School of Flail and staxxy, for helping me figure out what I actually meant to say from the sometimes rather fragmented sentences I've written.

And as always, please spread the word about the new post! Thank you!

Comments

[riani1.livejournal.com]

My god, I had no idea the level of responsibility you've taken on with the Charm Schoo.

[cupcake-goth.livejournal.com]

I get all SORTS of letters sent to Gothic Charm School. It's not just "help me find gothy clothing" questions. On the one hand, I'm incredibly flattered that my readers feel they can turn to me with this sort of stuff. On the other hand, kids! Stop hurting yourselves! No, really, I mean it!

[chronivore.livejournal.com]

Having know several cutters I think it would have been nice if you had referred to books or online discussion groups on the subject.

[cupcake-goth.livejournal.com]

Good point. I did look for some online discussion groups, but I couldn't tell which ones were the really good ones.

...Can you tell that helping self injurers is what I do with my free time?? LOL

[stillbourne.livejournal.com]

Books I recommend to the kids in my _asylum_

For understanding the situation:
A bright Red Scream (http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0140280537)

For those needing help;
Scarred Soul (http://www.amazon.com/Scarred-Soul-Understanding-Self-Inflicted-Violence/dp/1572240792/ref=pd_sim_b_img_2) (this workbook has helped a lot of my kids, and me too.)
or
BODILY HARM: THE BREAKTHROUGH HEALING PROGRAM FOR SELF-INJURERS (http://www.amazon.com/BODILY-HARM-BREAKTHROUGH-HEALING-SELF-INJURERS/dp/0786885041/ref=pd_sim_b_img_1)

Cutting: Understanding and Overcoming Self-Mutilation (http://www.amazon.com/Cutting-Understanding-Self-Mutilation-Steven-Levenkron/dp/0393319385/ref=pd_sim_b_img_2)

Of course you can send them over to _asylum_ or _asylum_ website (http://www.asylumonline.org) We have a great team of volunteers who are there (among other things) to talk down people from hurting themselves via email, IM, phone convos.... all they gotta do is post on the community that they need to talk and whomever on staff is online will contact them.

another good resourse for "befrienders" is Samaritans (http://www.samaritansofboston.org/) They are more "professional" than my organization is... but from what I hear they dont do immediate responses like we do.

If you need any more info, email me. I'll be happy to give you any info you need.
chromehalo@yahoo.com

(edited to add email)

[theblackdeer.livejournal.com]

Wow, you're taking on a lot by dishing out advice on subjects THIS serious, and you're doing it very well (I have a BA in psych and I'm a nursie so I know of what I speak). This was amazingly written.

And while I'm not driven to cutting, I am stressed to the point that smashing up some of these extra dishes sounds great...or perhaps a pellet gun for shooting at soda cans...heheh

[cupcake-goth.livejournal.com]

I had to really think about whether or not I wanted to tackle this subject, because it IS serious, and I'm terrified of handling it poorly or being insensitive about it. But the mail I've been getting about this topic is heart-wrenching, and I had to address it somehow.

I'm glad you thought I did a good job. Thank you.

[ozitonaranjo.livejournal.com]

Awesome article. Did find a typo, you have an abut when you mean about.

Here:
You need to spend some time thinking abut what you’ve been going through, and see if you can pinpoint what made you think “Oh, cutting myself sounds like the thing to do”.

[cupcake-goth.livejournal.com]

Argh, typos! Thank you for pointing that out to me.

[shipchan.livejournal.com]

I liked this article, but I did have one problem with it. You say that you should get to the root reason of cutting and that will help, but really I find it doesn't. I SI and I know why I do it, but that doesn't want to make me stop, in fact it makes me need to do it more as I get deeper into my problems. Some people have real issues where the only solice they have from it is cutting. They don't know what else to do and cutting helps so it's hard to hear that it's 'never the right thing' because there's nothing else that helps. Even so, I thought this was very well done, as always.

[cupcake-goth.livejournal.com]

Thank you for sharing your thoughts on this with me. I did wonder if, for some people, nothing else helps. I thought about bringing that up in the column, but wasn't sure how to address that aspect without someone mis-reading what I wrote.

Thank you for reading, and I'm glad you thought it was well done.

[djeternaldarkne.livejournal.com]

Or you know, you could always end up doing what I did...;)

[sparrowpunk.livejournal.com]

I liked the article (I've been cutting since I was 18, I think) but sometimes, no matter how much I know about my problems and why I do it, it or some other equally self-destructive behaviour really is the only thing that helps. Harm reduction tips have helped more at those times, but that's opening a huge can of drama-seeking worms and probably not that helpful to the people the column is aimed at.

On that note, would it be OK if I printed it out for my voluntary work? We do get a lot of younger people in, some of them do ask about this, and it is so so hard to find stuff about this sort of thing that isn't cringe-inducing, dreadful or just plain crap. Also, some of the people who come in with this might appreciate Gothic Charm School for it's own sake :)

[cupcake-goth.livejournal.com]

Please do print the column out for your voluntary work! I'm flattered that you want to pass it on.

[stillbourne.livejournal.com]

Self-Injury is slightly more complex than "my friend is goth and may cut" ... being goth does not equal self injurer. or vice versa. A good deal of goths wouldne dream of harming themselves or others.... But Self injury is a complex topic. Ive seen all forms, since I run the _asylum_. It could be a serious illness if someone cuts. it could be nothing more than "teen angst."
Let me illustrate:

The most common form stems from teen angst. (that they call it these days? Emo?))
This kind, the person will grow out of it. This kind is the cutting-for-attention. This is when overwhelming hormones and negative emtions take over and the person thinks that self harm will "show" what they are feeling. or "make the outside mirror the struggle within"
These are the ones that get on my asylum because they are alienated r lonely and threaten so one of the staff talks with them awhile....
Fortunately, 7/10ths of these people grow out of it when they find friends, a place to fit in, get out of their parents house or whatever, then you never hear of SI from them again.


the other 3/10ths develop "the habit"
"the habit" is when they start developing SI into a coping mechanism for stress/pain/loss/lonliness/whatever. It can kinda get like alcohoism or a drug addiction. The URGE to cut is always there everytime they get stressed. They have to fight it off EVERY TIME. These ppeople are the ones the books help, and we on asylum help by posting games and distraction activitys. THE FAVORITE one is Virtual Bubble Wrap to pop () Just like any other addict, Cutters of this kind never know the feeling of the Urge to cut not being present.

THe *other* kind of cutter is the kind with Bipolar disorder. These self injurers use cutting for a different reason. They have noise in their heads. (well, at least some of them do. Im not a doctor, so I can only go on what I KNOW) Sometimes the noise (voices, insults, ect) gets to be too much and they can lose touch with the real world, so they use physical pain to "drown out the noise with pain they KNOW is real and that they can see as well as feel" Youll see that it wont be JUST cutting. They will burn, bang their heads on walls, scratch, bite, put ice too long on their skin, pull out their hair, etc. whatever they can do to make the noise calm down. They all say that once they self injure, the noise is momentarily releaved and they can then they can use the time to grab their mind's steering wheel again and straighten out the course......

Now there are varying degrees to all this, and sometimes things develop at different times and levels.....this is just generalization. BUT you can SEE that there is much more to sef injury than just teen angst. For some its a lifelong struggle.
and THAT is why kids shouldnt START. Its just asking to develop mental illness because you want to take what seeems to be the easy way out of their emotions.... Its best to learn to weather the bad without hurting themselves...

EDITED TO ADD:::
ONE LAST THING:

This is a medical issue that should be looked into by professionals to be properly diagnosed.


--
Next up, Self injury awareness day is March 1st.
go here for some brochures that LIfesigns gives out on helping people to understand self injury:
http://www.asylumonline.org/siad/

[spangle-kitten.livejournal.com]

That was a really well written and sensitive article, which highlighted well the different types of cutting and was not at all patronising.

My cousin is a chronic cutter, who has had several skin grafts and plstic surgery because she hurts herself badly, but then she has a variety of other mental health problems as well and I certainly didn't expect you to delve to this level of cutting behaviour...but as far as the level that lots of teens go through in terms of finding an effective stress relief mechanism you really hit the nail on the head with how it works and how it can spiral out of control if it is not nipped in the bud early.

Well done :)

[pegkerr.livejournal.com]

Non sequitur, but saw this (http://www.curbly.com/DIY-Maven/posts/4302-Coffin-Couches) and thought of you: coffin couches (http://coffincouches.com/). Have you seen them?

[smonsterbite.livejournal.com]

I'd like to add to the chorus of "well-done" and add one thing, since I see that you are planning a follow-up. Young people trying to help friends who cut need to know that sometimes one can do all the right things, say all the right things, tell all the right people... and the friend will continue to self-injure. And that is not their fault.