Love it. LOVE IT. I've been thinking a lot along these lines, myself, recently. I'm getting tough with myself these days, and it's not just about food. This is the season for doing hard stuff.
You know, I thought about #5 and my thoughts went: quibble, quibble, quibble, and then I thought better. No, MAYBE my critics aren't always right, but it is ALWAYS a good idea to try listening receptively, openly, just to counterbalance the natural to resist criticism. This tendency is so strong, so universal, and so destructive, that it's a worthwhile gamble for me to listen, just as an experiment. Even if I then come back and have a hundred reasons why my critics are wrong, wrong, wrong. At least I can say I looked at the other side. It is worth it.
It's important to note that he's referring to ways that people behave or come across, and "criticism" of one's personal appearance does not have to affect one's self-worth. It's like, if someone says to me "hey, your ears are big!" it's like, well, OK, materially, concretely, they are. And? Can't please everyone. But if someone says "you are a whiny, argumentative bitch," I can decide what that information is worth to me. If I want more friends who prefer more demure friends, then I can change the argumentative part. If the whiny part makes me cringe, I can change the whiny part. Or I can decide that I like these flaws and keep them, but at least I know the cost of my decision.
Of course, if it turns out that they're just being a dick (#1) then I am OK with letting them (#4) go.
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Date: 2008-01-31 01:28 am (UTC)You know, I thought about #5 and my thoughts went: quibble, quibble, quibble, and then I thought better. No, MAYBE my critics aren't always right, but it is ALWAYS a good idea to try listening receptively, openly, just to counterbalance the natural to resist criticism. This tendency is so strong, so universal, and so destructive, that it's a worthwhile gamble for me to listen, just as an experiment. Even if I then come back and have a hundred reasons why my critics are wrong, wrong, wrong. At least I can say I looked at the other side. It is worth it.
It's important to note that he's referring to ways that people behave or come across, and "criticism" of one's personal appearance does not have to affect one's self-worth. It's like, if someone says to me "hey, your ears are big!" it's like, well, OK, materially, concretely, they are. And? Can't please everyone. But if someone says "you are a whiny, argumentative bitch," I can decide what that information is worth to me. If I want more friends who prefer more demure friends, then I can change the argumentative part. If the whiny part makes me cringe, I can change the whiny part. Or I can decide that I like these flaws and keep them, but at least I know the cost of my decision.
Of course, if it turns out that they're just being a dick (#1) then I am OK with letting them (#4) go.