Separate the art from the artist and all that, but it still hurts

[cupcake_goth]

As some of you have may seen, Neil Gaiman has been accused by multiple women of sexual abuse. I believe the victims. Especially because I am well aware of his (what I thought was from decades ago) pattern of picking up groupies at conventions. Everyone in the comics industry knew and just kind of hand-waved it because the attitudes about groupies hadn't yet changed to "Hey, there's a power imbalance there, and even if they consented, power imbalance". Quite honestly, I thought he'd grown out of that sort of behavior. 

But it turns out there was an ongoing whisper network in publishing, and it's not good. 

All of that to say:

1. I believe the victims, 100%
2. I'm struggling with feelings of betrayal and heartbreak, because I'm friends with Neil. Well, not quite friends, but more than acquaintances. He has always been kind and encouraging to me.
3. I have a LOT of Sandman merchandise. I've been collecting since the comic came out, and it means a lot to me.

In addition, one of my pieces of jewelry is the BPAL scent locket based off of his story "Forbidden Brides of the Faceless Slaves in the Secret House of the Night of Dread Desire" (yes, it's a loving parody of gothic romances). It's one of my favorite stories, and I searched for years for one of the lockets. I'm not sure how I feel about it now. I still love the story and the locket, but they both are tarnished by this news.

Anyway, that's what my brain and heart have been chewing on. 

Comments

[staxxy]

*hugs* When I heard of this news I thought of you, knowing that you are... kind of mentored a little... by Neil. This is a hard one. There's a lot of disappointment with him personally and professionally. His art remains so good, but this is such a terrible quagmire.

Which is to say:

- I believe the victims 100%
- I am sorry for this loss of his humanity and how that affects your relationship with him
- He should have outgrown this behavior by now, and it is unacceptable that he hasn't
- This is a very clear illustration of why hand waving bad behavior is not only not helpful to the victims, it is really not helpful to the perpetrators either because there's no consequences for their bad actions and it has clearly lead to increasingly bad behavior.

[madgastronomer]

Yeah. I have similar feelings. I keep bumping into it, like being mad that I can't use my favorite impostor-syndrome antidote story anymore, because it's one of his anecdotes.

I don't currently mean to get rid of things, because I have them and they mean something to me. But it's hard to look at them. I don't know when or if I'll be able to read or watch his work again, and I love some of it so very much.

I have a friend who's known Neil a very long time, been friends with him, and who had no idea. Talking to her helped me, and talking to me apparently helped her. It's a bad place to be, either to be friends with him or to have loved his work. His victims are, of course, the ones who are hurt worst. But he's hurt a lot more people as well by this, too, and I think it's okay to talk about that amongst ourselves.

icon I kept for history but don't use anymore, for context

[ironymaiden]

The good thing about comics (and BPAL, and TV shows) is that they are collaborations. The other artists involved still deserve our love and respect. Frex, I'm not going to cancel my Good Omens graphic novel pledge over this (wow I can't imagine what Pterry's daughter is dealing with right now).

I do understand the complexity of not wanting to signal your approval and you need to do what feels right to you. But especially on the locket I say celebrate BPAL.