New post time at Gothic Charm School!

[cupcake_goth]

Of Confiscated Clothing, Dangerous Classmates, and Disapproving Finaceés

This was another tough batch of questions. On the one hand, I'm glad people feel they can turn to me with these topics. On the other hand, ouch.

Huge thank-yous (as always!) go to the Finishing School of Flail, maiaarts, and staxxy. Now if the rest of you lovely folks could go forth and help promote the new column, that would be very helpful. Thank you!

---

Hey, if you're in the Seattle area, you should attend the next Mourning Market, on Feb. 7th! (clicky-link!) I will be vending this time, with copies of the Gothic Charm School book, art prints of some of the illustrations from the book, and various goodies like stripy heart brooches AND a few pairs of "cranky" bloomers! Show up!

Comments

Oh, those questions

[pocketbearwa.livejournal.com]

Difficult ones, all three.

I do not envy you.

[princekermit.livejournal.com]

Well said, Miss J, three times over.

Have you ever considered professional counseling? (as a career, not as a pass-time activity)

[amethyst-clan.livejournal.com]

Answered very well. -hugs- And I imagine they were really tough questions to answer, too. :(

[theosakakoneko.livejournal.com]

Agreed with all above comments.
Oh, the pain I feel for poor little #2...I wonder if she's tried just throwing her hands up and saying "I'm not goth." Not that I'm saying she's not (I consider myself goth sometimes as I wear my own sweets rings to the goth club), but if it would make him give up on her...
I hope she is okay. I want to give her a big hug.

[rikibeth.livejournal.com]

I thought you did a wonderful job with the tough questions this week. I was maybe a little more troubled than you by the third, though -- I am no professional, just someone who's watched numerous friends go through difficult times -- and what your correspondent described seemed to me like some of the warning signs for controlling/abusive behavior. Do you think it would be appropriate to give her some resource information on that topic, even if it's just a clicky-link? I'd hate to think of her marrying the young man in question and then have him gradually reveal more behaviors along the lines of Problem Fellow #2.

[fenrirhyde.livejournal.com]

All three questions were very well addressed.
I'm all for the above comment, you could-and would make a good counselor. I really hope that things have gotten better for the student.And even more so that that jerk-insult to all goth-kind has been expelled or something along those lines.

[kambriel.livejournal.com]

I went through #1 as a teen as well. As though via some supernatural force though, me and my buckle boots managed to stick together, even though I think they were thrown out something like three times. On the bright side, in a few months time (assuming she's moving out on her own then), she'll be able to have full say on such things and no longer have to worry about what disappears at home in the course of a day.

(Oh, and on the next to last full paragraph on question #2, the first letter of the final sentence is missing. ~ Thank goodness you gave her that advice. I hope she follows through on it *immediately*.)

well said

[going-not-gone.livejournal.com]

I love reading advice columns, but there are far too many letters along the lines of, "I love him/her, he/she is wonderful and a really good person, but we have this tiny little minor problem..." and goes on to describe how this wonderfully really good person treats them like shit. I agree with Rikibeth that #3 sounds borderline abusive, and I hope she dumps his sorry ass. (No, I am nowhere near as gracious and polite as the Lady of the Manners.)

[bella-cheval.livejournal.com]

Your answers to all three of those difficult questions were excellent! As princekermit said, have you ever considered becoming a counselor? You seem to have the perfect "voice" for it.

[chibi-evil.livejournal.com]

ah...there is no "borderline" about the actions of the guy in #3. He is a controlling emotional abuser. She needs to get out of that relationship, and i would not have told her to talk it out at home in private--there are too many warning signs in that letter for physical abuse--i'd have told her to talk about it in the presence of an actual therapist, where he is less likely to get violent.

your advice to #2 was spot on though--she needs to report him to the police.

[cupcake-goth.livejournal.com]

I've never really considered being a professional counselor. The amount of schooling I'd need to get is a bit daunting.

[javagoth.livejournal.com]

The guy in #3 is an abusive dick. Period. She needs to run far, far away from him before he leaves emotional scars and possibly physical ones. I'm speaking from experience. Honestly, the emotional abuse is harder to deal with and leaves longer lasting scars in my my experience. It's also far harder to spot because of the times when the abuser lavishes affection. It's not love though...

[mina5643.livejournal.com]

Very nicely done with the article, I think you tackled the letters well.

And, I really wish SF would have a Mourning Market or similar. We need more going on in our area.

[mina5643.livejournal.com]

Yeah, emotional abuse is more insidious by how it complicates matters for you in the future. Bruises heal, memories and scarred behavior doesn't.

[lilmartini.livejournal.com]

Wow. Such meaty issues. I think you did well in answering them (even to suggest to gothling #3 that maybe they should not be together).

I might have wanted to ask gothling #1 if she purchased the clothing with her own money. If so, I would think, at 18, she has the right to get the clothing back. Might seem like an odd point but it was a point made to my parents once who questioned something I bought but since I worked for the money, they did not take it away from me (cyndi lauper-esque outfit fwiw).

[keltickalypso.livejournal.com]

nicely done and I posted a link from my FB!

[alumiere.livejournal.com]

I unfortunately second this. If he's calling her names there's more than a difference of opinion here.

Seriously, if you can get back in touch with her or post a follow up, please do. This man is not a good guy, he's already trying to control her behavior, and if they get married at the least she's in for more emotional abuse, and the behavior he's exhibiting is frequently a pre-cursor to physical abuse as well.