Re-reading Dracula The Undead. Just as bad as I remembered.

[cupcake_goth]

When I started thinking about what I wanted to say about Dracula The Undead (other than I wouldn't recommend it even for silly trashy vampire reading purposes), I realized that I had (possibly deliberately) forgotten huge swathes of it. So I'm re-reading it at bathtime each night, and ... uuuugh. It's not just that it screws up things that are canon from the original novel (and uses the most hackneyed plot "twist" ever to try and excuse it), it's not just that it fails rather spectacularly at using real historical personages as characters (to quote various friends of mine, "Google, motherfuckers. Use it."), it's not just that it blatantly lifts dialog from Star Wars (oh, I wish I were kidding); it's that on top of all that, the writing is, well, dire. Really dire. Last night the Stroppy One took a look at one of the pages, winced, and handed the book back to me. It's not even so-bad-it's-entertaining; it's more of so-bad-Jilli's-head-may-explode-from-rage.

---

Anyway. When I read cleolinda's fantastic New Moon in 15 minutes, I also went and re-read her post on seeing the movie. In her philosophical ramblings section, she wrote this:


So I started thinking about romance myself, and I think I've figured it out: the key component of romance is tenderness. Because something can be totally sexyhot without tenderness; it's tenderness that creates the "romantic" atmosphere, the one that a lot of guys tend to turn their noses up at--because tenderness requires you to be vulnerable, to open yourself up and say, I want you, I need you, I am incredibly blessed to even be touching you right now. (Maybe that's where the honesty comes in after all.) So if you buy your girlfriend a dozen roses at the supermarket and toss them at her on Valentine's Day all, "LOOK, here you are, now SHUT UP until next year," you are doing it so very, very wrong, and she probably feels it. It's not about hearts and flowers and chocolates and money spent, and in fact all that ephemera is a convenient way to dodge actual tenderness, because you can feel like you've done something without putting any real feeling into it. And Twilight? Is all about the freakin' tenderness. It's larded with tenderness; feeling drips off the pages and oozes from the film stock and romantics eat it up and then turn around and line up for more. I mean, that slow dance at the end of the first movie, he is crying while they're eyesexing, for God's sake. That's like--the emotional equivalent of--I don't even have an adequate pornographic metaphor for that. (Dayna! A little help here!) And I confess, it gets to me too at times--Lord, let a man someday look at me that way--but I've also got the neurotic sparkle hilarity and the feminist rage issues to keep me sane and snarky.



You know what? She's right. The longing for that tenderness aspect of romance is something that is seemingly hard-wired into a lot of us. It's not only a key aspect of why Twilight is so freakishly popular, but it explains a lot of other media, especially anything from the paranormal romance genre, The Phantom of the Opera, and a lot of songs by the band HIM.

There's nothing wrong with wanting that romance and tenderness. But you HAVE to be able to balance that longing with, well, sanity. Because if you don't, you make BAD decisions. Hell, from my own personal experience, most of the bad relationship decisions I have made (and let me tell you, I've made some AMAZINGLY bad ones in the past, ouch) came from my wanting to be the object of someone's romantic obsession short-circuiting any sort of sanity, irony, or common sense I usually had. I guess the comment I'm trying to make here is that there is nothing wrong with indulging in over-the-top romance and bombast, just be aware that trying to stay in that heightened emotional state is not healthy, and can lead to stupidity.

---

Hey, you know what is also romantic? When your spouse is willing to bring you lunch and blessed, blessed coffee after they drop you off at work. Mmm, coffee. No, tea was not quite doing it this morning. Tuesdays are hard.

Comments

[bella-cheval.livejournal.com]

I can't even think about Stephanie Meyer without breaking into hives. Oozing, itching, hives.

[tinkerbell86ca.livejournal.com]

Pretty much ditto here. She annoys me . . . and for some reason, her mouth irritates me for some reason. Strange huh?

[gloomsan.livejournal.com]

I love that :D

[tinkerbell86ca.livejournal.com]

Icon love!

Still, she is so annoying!

[gloomsan.livejournal.com]

I forced my self to read the books because of all the hype. The only one I thought tollerable was the second. I thought the 3rd was one big advertisment for pledge rings and the 4th was one of the worst written pieces of fiction I have ever read and I've read some tosh!!!

I don't think she'll be known for anything else other than Twilight and even then we probably wont hear from her again in 5 years time

[tinkerbell86ca.livejournal.com]

I did the same thing, made my self read them just to keep up on all the hype. And yes, the second one was ok, nothing special, but just meh. The last one pissed me off, it was SO STUPID!

Twilight: Want some crappy popcorn reading to pass the time until something better cones out? I am sure you can find something else, but if you can, meh, I'm not gunna top you.

Also, just to go against the grain, my fave character out of that series is Bella's dad and his mustache!

To quote my husband "Just my mustache comb!"

[gloomsan.livejournal.com]

lol, thats sooooo true

I ended up giving my books away, I just felt so dirty having them in the house

I'm adding you if you don't mind, you seem groovy :)

[tinkerbell86ca.livejournal.com]

I borrowed the books from my friend. I actually read the first one because another one of my friends rented the movie and I wanted to know what was going on. Still, lame books.

But the Bella's dad 'stach RULES!

Sure! I'll add you to :)

[gloomsan.livejournal.com]

lol, I'm amazed it got published to be honest!!

[bella-cheval.livejournal.com]

She's just...gaaah. Proves once again that it's all about money in the publishing industry, not quality of product.

[tinkerbell86ca.livejournal.com]

Exactly!

[sirriamnis.livejournal.com]

Trust me. I know.

I had a fling with a guy who, when we weren't together, I didn't even think of him that way at all and it just seemed stupid as I knew he was a philandering cad, but we'd get together and he'd turn on the super-tender eye-sex thing, and pretty soon I'd find myself swooning in his arms, even while the sane part of my brain was jumping up and down screeching, "What the fuck are you DOING?"

I get it. I totally get it.

[cupcake-goth.livejournal.com]

Yeah, the feeling of sane part of one's brain standing back in horror going "No, really? REALLY? You're serious?" is quite something, isn't it?

[aprilstarchild.livejournal.com]

Oh god. This one ex of mine. Totally played up the tenderness to the hilt. The best part was that he was sarcastic and stoic around other people but it when it was just him and me? *siiiigh*

So of course he turned out to be a controlling and possessive jerkface. I stuck it out for two and a half years.

I really hope his urge to control me was a side effect of immaturity, as he's married now.

[semy-of-pearls.livejournal.com]

Yes, tenderness is what we all crave. That's why snuggling rocks, even if there is no sex.

And your sweetie is an excellent man. Cheers to him!

[torreybird.livejournal.com]

I think she's hit the nail on the nose: tenderness, longing. It may be the desire to keep the longing-feeling part of a romance that motivates people to put others on pedestals.

In the vein of "what is also romantic?" When he gets up to make breakfast on the weekends for me, even though I'm the morning person & he's not. :-)

[aimeekitty.livejournal.com]

I agree.

Twilight is poorly written and has a lot of fundamental problems, but the romance IS there. I have so much fun laughing at Twilight... but when people try to recommend me other books that are well written vampire romances... they may not have the horribility of Twilight, but they dont have the romance either.
it MUST be out there, a well written vampire romance. Please someone tell me that in this sea of bad books there isn't one?
Have you read PHANTOM by Susan Kay? It's a retelling of Phantom of the Opera, and it has the romance and the danger... but it's wonderfully researched in history, and very fascinating, you might like it.

And love, lust and romance are not enough. The fundamental requirements have to be there. (like someone not being abusive,... someone respecting you... having similar life goals, etc...)
So you're right,... rose colored glasses can lead to stupidity.

and romance can be something other than what movies tell us it is. My husband speaking german to me while we argue over movie plot points is, to me, supremely sexy/romantic. <3

[princekermit.livejournal.com]

Twilight, schmilight.

He lifts dialogue from Star Wars? I find your lack of faith disturbing? More please? This is the first I've heard about D:TU and the idea that they *cough* dug up one of Abraham's *cough* blood relations to write this is just... ewww. Is he going to do a sequel to Lair of the White Worm next? I mean, let's just join the two so we can have Keanu Reeves and Hugh Grant together at last!

[cupcake-goth.livejournal.com]

I ... I can't tell you the exact line lifted from Star Wars without spoiling one of the "surprise" plot twists (which was completely predictable, but there you go.)

I have been afraid to look at what the reviews on Amazon say about D:TU, because what if other people liked it? Then I would have to weep for my favorite fiction genre, and perhaps wall myself into a room with my collection of vampire books.

[princekermit.livejournal.com]

I'll face that fear for you: 64 reviews, 32 of which are one star.

And in a tasty bit of irony, one of Amazon's suggestions is Rasputina's Transylvanian Regurgitations. Indeed.

[tzuki17.livejournal.com]

the thing is, I actually LIKED it at first....& now i feel abit ashamed of myself, as if I was out on a date with a bloke I fancied, then discovered that we had not a thing in common ...about a quarter of the way thru' I wished I'd never begun to read it! but felt like I had to do the decent thing & finish.....it seems such a waste!(one of the worst things was it practically had car chase scenes in it!)

[tzuki17.livejournal.com]

ooh I meant 'the undead' not 'twilight', which is just, well, idiotic I think.

[woc-rehtona-ton.livejournal.com]

It is romantic when your significant other brings you coffee. I forgot breakfast one morning my boyfriend had off so he brought me coffee and donuts. It was lovely.

[strawberry-goth.livejournal.com]

You're right. The pursuit of tenderness can lead to things that are just plain stupid. Like in one of my past relationships, I was constantly between using common sense & getting out of it and staying because of some rare tender moment. It took common sense screaming "Oh,will you quit deluding yourself and get outta this already!!!" before I finally got the message.

Looking back,*slaps forehead* I can only wonder what was I thinking? That just wasn't healthy.

Oh,how sweet of you husband to bring you lunch and coffee. Are Tuesdays when they decide to dump the most work on you?

[marchwarden23.livejournal.com]

When books like Twilight and Dracula The Undead make it to print and become as popular as the former, it makes people who have actual talent and are aspiring to be real writers die a little inside. Or a lot, as the case may be.

I got about 30 pages into the first one. And left it on the bus. I think what makes a good story is how well the characters are written. If the characters are multi-dimensional and believeable, it makes a huge difference as to whether you care about what happens to them or not. And caring about them and what happens to them is what makes for a gripping, interesting read. SMeyer's characters are flat, two-dimensional airheads that I didn't give a damn about one way or another. I wasn't drawn in, I didn't get any connection, I didn't care.

If the Twilight series was marketed as a schlocky, teen target-audience comedy, I wouldn't have a single negative comment.