I'd been feeling a little under the weather lately, and last night my neck started welting up. "But but but!" I thought, "I'm following this dratted gluten-free diet to see if that helps with this very problem! It was working! What happened? Aaaaugh!"

And then I realized: I’d had sushi with tempura bits and soy sauce over the weekend, both of which sneakily contain gluten. I knew that, but thought a tiny bit of gluten wouldn't be the end of the world. But there had been Worcestershire sauce as seasoning in multiple dishes the past few days, and wouldn’t you know it, the dratted stuff has wheat in it.

A rather large oversight and label-reading fail on my part, and now I’m paying for it. Last night involved repeated applications of Aquaphor ointment on my neck, no bath (hot baths make the inflammation a lot worse ::sobs:: ), and Benadryl at bedtime.

I'm astonished that my system is that sensitive to gluten right now. But believe me, I hope that those small amounts of gluten are what triggered this, and not some other thing that my doctor and I have not yet figured out.

However, this flare-up is NOT going to stop my planned Goth Upkeep today. I'm just not going to be dying the hair at the very nape of my neck, because that is asking for trouble and I know it.

The remembrance altar I have set for the next few days. Flowers I saved from the ones people sent last year, a antique compact from my grandma, the key to the Haunted Mansion (my Mom’s favorite place on earth), bobbins from Mom’s sewing machine, photos of Mom and Grandma, and one of all three of us from my wedding.

I miss you, Mom and Grandma Vida.

Thank you, everyone, for helping me and Dad get through the past year.

Yesterday I was knocked flat by ... something. A flare-up of the Lyme and its co-bugs? I don't know. I spent all of yesterday on the couch, shivering under a heavy blanket, feeling woozy, achy, and unable to think.

Today I feel slightly better. I'm not under heavy blankets right now, I'm not as woozy or achy, and I don't feel as fuzzily vacant as I did. Of course, I made my classic mistake of thinking I'M BETTER NOW, did a bunch of stuff, and then went "Oh. Whoops. Flopping on couch now." But I feel like I have enough brain to work on job-hunt emails and the novel, so it's progress of a sort.

I'm not sure what brought on this bout of sickly, because it's not like I've been doing a lot of stuff. But minim_calibre reminded me yesterday that hey, this is a month of really stressful emotions for me, which is probably causing this. Oh, right.

(Speaking of really stressful emotions, the off-and-on snow around here has been making me melancholy, because in the past snow meant a phone call from Mom, telling me to stop summoning the snow demons.)

What I really want right now is a butler, who will bring me tea, tasty gluten-free snacks, and perhaps laudanum. Why don't I have a butler, dammit?

Right before New Year's Eve, I went to my doctor and had something like 5 or 6 tubes of blood drawn for the latest round of testing to see where I'm at with the Lyme, the CFS, the Bartonella, and all the other things I'm fighting with.

According to the email I just received from Dr. Bobbi, my liver enzymes are fine (we have to check 'em because of the ridiculous antibiotics I'm on), my CD57 numbers have gone up from 26 to 39 (tho' the benchmark for no Lyme activity is 125, and normal is 200), and the test for Bartonella came back all clear!

::throws confetti, slumps back on the couch::

We're still waiting on some other tests, and I am still doing 6 weeks of gluten-free diet (1 week down, 5 to go), but I'm slowly getting better. Which is nice to hear.

Today involved a rapidly-scheduled dental appointment to get a tooth extracted. I had cracked a tooth a little over a week ago, and over the weekend finally fessed up to the Stroppy One that I probably needed to go to the dentist. He called our super-fantastic dentist this morning and got me an appointment for noon.

Everything went really smoothly*. But as I've never had a tooth extracted before, it's all kind of weird for me. I am hyper-paranoid that I will do something wrong with the aftercare; the Stroppy One is doing his best to reassure me, but part of my brain is being unreasonable. So in order to shut up that part of my brain and distract myself, I am sitting on the couch, loopy from pain meds, indulging in Labyrinth. Hi, David Bowie, hiiiiiii.



*Also, my dentist gave me my tooth. He knew I'd want to keep it. One of the many reasons Dr. Ryan is awesome.

Guys, guys! My Vampire Requiem replica skirt should be shipping out in two weeks!

::claps hands delightedly::

I'm still conflicted about brand replicas in EGL fashion. On the one hand, making copies of other people's work is dodgy at best, and artistic theft at worst. On the other hand, the big EGL brands apparently can't be bothered to make their items to fit larger sizes, which is beyond annoying. I would have to buy two of the original AatP Vampire Requiem skirts to turn them into one skirt that would fit my 33" waist. And that's supposing I had the sort of mad money to blow on something that frivolous. The skirt originally retailed for over $200, and if I've got over $400 to spend, I'm buying something custom from Kambriel, something from Fluevog, or getting a tattoo.

(Also, having seen EGL brand garments up close and in real life, you cannot convince me that the workmanship/materials are worth that high of a markup. If I ever get some fabric custom-printed via Spoonflower*, the Infamous BlueJay would be able to help me make skirts that were far better-made than the stuff I've seen from EGL brands.)

To sum up: whoo! Black Vampire Replica skirt! Soon to be mine!


* Yes, there are vague plans afoot to create my own gothy-goth prints for fabric. I just have to wait for the Stroppy One to have some free time in his schedule ...

So. Replica skirt!

I have been given an astonishing gift to start out the year. Meg Creelman (@MargretheRavn on Twitter) sent me a doll made by the incomparable Wendy Froud.

This is Little Sister:



She’s wonderful and I’m taking her presence in my life as a sign that 2012 is going to be a good year.

There are a lot of year-end memes out there, and I'm not doing ANY of them. 2011 was, with no hyperbole, the worst year of my life. Death, illness, unemployment, stress, and depression were the themes.

But there were some good things about 2011, too. I was able to spend more time with my loved ones, even the ones who don't live nearby. I went to Disneyland and the Tim Burton exhibit. I made a lot of progress on the fiction project I'm working on, and my agent is excited to see it.

But on the whole? I have never been more glad to see a year end. Next week, I am burning the 2011 calendar, because I really do need to see this year go up in flames. Literally.

May 2012 be kinder to us all. Much, MUCH kinder.

The (not really a problem) with Tumblr and its never-ending stream of eye candy is that it makes me think longingly of doing things that I know aren't a good idea.

For example, I really DO understand that I don't really want to shave the sides of my head and commit to teasing my hair up every day so I have a deathhawk. I don't have the correct face shape for it, my hair is too fine-textured for it to work well, and the Stroppy One would not just make That Face, but become incoherent with dismay. But that doesn't stop me from looking at all the deathrock photos that scroll across my dashboard and go "Ooooh."

So, the holiday season is going to be rough for me this year. In addition to the obvious pain of it being the first Christmas without Mom, there's the fact that things are tight this season. Plus we're not putting up the tree this year, as a decorated tree + two energetic and mischievous babycats = disaster and everything breaking. So, no tree.

But. I am doing everything I can to find my holiday cheer:

- Dad and I are going to keep our holiday tradition of the Father & Daughter shopping trip; we'll just be present-shopping for our other loved ones. (We always went shopping for Mom together, and it's been a tradition since I was five or six, I think.) It's an important thing for both of us, even if it will be emotionally-wrought for a while.

- On Saturday I went to Wight's Nursery with Thea and Eric. They are THE store of holiday decor around here, and have 31 different decorated holiday trees. Going to Wight's is kind of like mainlining Christmas decor and glitter into your brain, and going there always boosts my holiday spirit.

- Last night was the neighborhood Christmas caroling event at the park down from my house, put on by the local Salvation Army. While I DO NOT support their stance on a lot of issues (especially LGBT ones), the local group is full of nice people, and spending a cold, crisp evening singing carols (which I love) with my neighbors is fun. They make fresh donuts and hot cider, there are horse-drawn carriage rides, and the organizers are always genuinely happy to see me. One little girl looked at me (top hat, full skirts, red ringmaster jacket, stripy tights, glow-in-the-dark skeleton boots and gloves) and asked if I was from Halloweentown, which made my night.

- I spent today doing holiday baking. Two pans of marshmallows (rose and violet) are chilling in the 'fridge, there is a batch of Chex mix in the oven, and soon I will make the dough for the gingerbread bats.

So I'm slowly getting into a cheerier holiday state of mind. Soon will be the traditional watching of Nightmare Before Christmas, and the singing along to "Fairytale of New York", and those will help, too.